I Cannot

It's half past midnight I sit in my room smoking my cigarette
thoughts of you flood my brain memories that I want to fade so badly
so I don't feel so alone so I don't feel so afraid anymore
I try to recall the last time that I was truely happy
trying to figure out how my life has became to this
how the hell did I end up alone?
how the world around me seems so happy or is it that I am just
so sad that the world seems so happy?
whatever it is I know that I am left with so many unanswered questions
left with so many unspoken words
do I dare speck these words so the world knows how I truely feel?
so that the world knows that I am falling apart
or do I bury these feelings deep in my heart as I have you?
how can I love someboby this much that I allow it to haunt me?
how do I love someboby so much that I am hurting?
that I am in love with someone that I am not allowed to love..
these feelings flow out of me but I am left breathless and weak
I am left all alone!!
who the fuck do I turn too?
I am trying to hold on strong
trying to make it another damn night without you
but I really cannot do it anymore
I cannot act as if I am strong
I cannot act as if I don't have a broken heart
I cannot act as if I am not slowly falling apart
watching as my heart falls to the hard floor
what the hell am I suppose to do?
huh, tell me that the fuck is left of me because I cannot figure it out...!!!