I remember...
Boost bars with biscuit.
A bed with about 7 different blankets.
Extra money on the weekends.
Dad's friend.
I remember...
The football scores every Saturday,
Status Quo records,
Sitting on his lap,
Chocolate under the pillow.
I remember...
Cuddles under the blanket,
Polishing Vinyl discs,
Listening to Blondie,
A put up bed.
I remember...
Day trips with him,
Visits to his house,
Cold custard from the carton,
Our lodger.
I remember...
The eczema on his arm,
His sense of humour,
Being burnt by a cup of tea...
His Indian face.
I remember...
Walking everywhere,
Moving from house to house,
Hiding behind the sofa,
Being naughty.
I remember...
Him moving his stuff out,
Handwritten letters of apology,
Daytime cups of coffee,
My school day finishing in my bedroom.
I remember...
Speaking to a counselor,
Being recorded,
Having a wimpy,
Keeping secrets.
I remember...
Being 8.
I remember...
Forgetting.
Author notes
Wimpy- like a cheap version of burger king.
Blondie/Status Quo- both music groups.
In a list
A contest entry
- [Contest] Wake up to Abuse - Prewrites Welcome by Miss Faerie.
700 points, ended February 8, 56 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you believe this??
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.25 – I like this. It’s a very interesting title, which I may or may not click on. I’m unsure. But the appeal is definitely there.
Poem Flow: 8.75 – Flowed somewhat choppy due to all the disconnected thoughts. I found myself being stopped abruptly at the end of every line.
Depth: 8.5 – Missing something. The thoughts were very nostalgic, but you seemed an arm’s length removed from your feelings here.
Emotional Impact: 7.5 – It was so matter-of-fact that I couldn’t connect with it. But you know when you finally drew me in? That very last stanza! I went “AHA!” This! I can relate to! Your emotions started coming out, but only in the end.
Spelling and Grammar: 9.50 – Good job!
Punctuation and Caps: 7 – Great job on the punctuation, but why all caps after commas, i.e., starting each line with caps?
Presentation: 9 – Stanzas are broken up nicely. Repetition is effective for this piece.
Personal Appeal: 8.5 – I do adore nostalgic poems, but I wish it had more emotional impact. Nicely done overall!
My score: 68.00/80.00
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I hadnt read this one
I think i know who this is. This stuff shouldn't happen full stop.You are so strong, I could never deal with this. I feel priviliged to be your friend,that you trust me enough. Don't forget I'm still here.
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Let me write a decent comment, now I realise the last is shit.
What I mean here is that the boost bars, all the "bribes" were meant to be things that kept you quiet.
This person pretended to be your friend, and the things he gave you - whilst bribes - were supposed to illicit happy responses.
What he really did was ruin you, break your trust and nearly break your spirit.
I apologise for the confusion
Shari
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This was really sad to read.
I felt like there were friends you were given to for fun and you suffered and it was almost enough to break you..
I'm so sorry
Shari
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Wow breath taking! So sad aswell...
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