Pain seeps from beneath
curtains of angst and nausea,
burning away at the walls
of induced hallucinogens
He left her,
pausing only a moment
to add injury to insult
by kissing another.
Her heart, now shattered,
bleeds against ruptured lungs
that cry and plead painfully
for another breath
[She may never love again]
Author notes
If you don't like this one, I already know the other one I'd put in 
http://allpoetry.com/Staged%20Accident
A contest entry
- Shadows of the Heart (Round 1/3) Titles (Can now enter 2) by ShiningNShadows.
400 points, ended February 9, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP X Factor 2 - Auditions by sideways hourglass.
550 points, ended February 27, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me if there are any grammar/spelling mistakes?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Yes
This was ok. However, you seem to have control over the flow of what you're writing, which is a sign of potential and is why I have given you a "yes". I liked the wall metaphor in the first stanza. Though the imagery in the final stanza wasn't original, you still developed some images good enough, in my opinion. Next time though, give me more metaphor, imagery, and stronger emotion.
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Thank you.
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wow great write... no errors that i could see
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Great write! Nice job on the flow. No grammar or spelling errors found. I loved it.
Keep writing.
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thank you
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Very nice. I really like this. Good flow and meaning. I found no errors. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
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