This is not a declaration
in which dead men fold
while their aces were hidden up
the slaves' sleeve
but a proclamation
in which I lance each shackle
with the crook of my thumb
and taste the milk & honey
pouring out into brooks
while the children are ashes
who no longer harbor
The tapestry has split.
We called a spade, a spade.
The dull stirring beneath the ribs
has spent its fluency in ink
and the flesh is no longer words
flaking off in scabs.
Author notes
Mmmmhmm, I'm definitely going to redo this one later.
A contest entry
- pulling our weight. by girl shaman.
1300 points, ended February 10, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive Criticism
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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good write you have here... I don't know if you meant this but I took your words to be references to the issues of slavery. I think that this is a very deep write and I do like it. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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WOW! I love the refrences and the choice of words that you use to emphasize on your refrences that you make! The meaning of this poem is deep and can be interpreted in different ways by diff people!! This is definitely a poem of wise and an intellectual person!! Impressed
~Pri
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I really like this write!! I have a feelin you will do well in this contest!!! i love the imagery!
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hm it is indeed very well written and the reference to sylvia plath is very remarkable but i dont really think it had to be in the poem itself. either way it was very interesting to read. thank you for entering
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The dull stirring beneath the ribs
has spent its fluency in ink
and the flesh is no longer words
flaking off in scabs.
Now why cant I write like this! damn lol Indeed a stunning write.
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very well written poem. this is good
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This poem does indeed flow very nicely. This has some great description and imagery in it! Nice work!
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This flows so lucidly. An amazing poet ye are, you. A master at carving words, a superior craftsman at expressing your muse!
So let your words continue to flow down in an ink serenade.
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You must been reading it when I put under it reconstruction.
I was going to rewrite it.
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This has come off much better than the first version I saw you draft. Also longer, looks like your muse is coming back now. I love the lines I said I did before I still like them best, you filled the space wonderfully between those words. You and words aye, you just work. Also dont know why but the title makes me laugh
awesome write as always leaving me with a sense of being impressed and slightly jealous T_T
Laura
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