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the monster

The shadows fall upon the forest

I see only the crescent moon between the trees

The trees rustle as if there was evil stirring up

The screams from the screech owl

Cut right through to the bone

The leaves rustle as the wind blows

I watch the shadows of the trees

Moving with the wind in the moonlight

I quicken my pace

Though it seems as though I am walking in circles and going nowhere

The screech owl continues to send chills down my spine

Then out of nowhere a being not of this earth appears

It stood eight feet tall

Snarling with its giant teeth showing

It had spikes throughout its whole back area

Scales where the spikes weren’t present

I tried everything that I could to get away from it

For I knew nothing good could come out of this

This creature had no kindness, love, innocence, or purity.

It didn’t have that capability.

I still ran from the creature

I quickened my pace it ran just as quickly

It went where ever I went

As if it were buried deep into my soul

Finally I gave into the chase

I turned and faced the creature

I asked what I did to bring him out of the depths of hell

He says "you have forgotten me"

I look at him bewildered with fear and curiosity

"I am here to remind you of the people who have taken your innocence

In return filled your body mind and soul with pain embarrassment hatred and sorrow"

For which no one person can overcome this tragedy on their own

Then I awaken screaming not just in fear of the dream but

For the shock of a man taking what little innocence I had left

He covers my mouth

I struggle until I lose consciousness again

I am faced with the same scary forest and the evil creature

I awoke several hours later unclothed beaten bruised

For that wasn’t the only damage that present

The other damage was unseen and undetectable

For I was no longer pure and innocent

I felt as though I was a whore to those who can control me

I realized that the men who hurt me and the creature that pursued me were one of the same

I tried to speak out but my words fell on deaf ears

My tears of sorrow continued to flow as a river

Even if we are not heard we need to let it be known that these monsters are out there so we can protect what is innocent and pure.

So nobody else has to lose their innocence esspecially our children

For if you forget then you will be faced with same fate and the creature will not be far behind

Author notes

Gypsywitch0187

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    This was almost written as a short story, rather than a poem but I can't discredit you for that. I personally write poetry because I have way too short of an attention span to write anything longer!

    Having said so, I think that this piece would be well receiving of some well placed punctuation. Also, although it is a strong piece of narration, I would have appreciated a bit more emotion to transfer to me as I read. I would think stronger imagery would communicate that, if you were at all interested in revision.

    Although, admittedly, I very rarely revise my own work. I will accept ALL comments and criticism but usually do not change anything unless it's spelling or grammatical in nature.

    Nonetheless, thank you for your entry. I very much enjoyed reading your work. Good luck in the contest!

    - Beàn Sidħe

  • x26ss
    March 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really profound piece of prose here. It started out so dark, but as I read on I saw the lesson in it all.
    I loved the final message.
    Great job!


  • WarrioroftheHeart gold member
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    I hate the phrase that Dana uses "it tells rather than shows", mostly because it doesn't tell me anything, nor does it show me.

    Strangely then I must admit that I sort of agree with her; there is little to fire the imagination of the reader of this poem, the best example I can give is when you describe the "monster", it seems incomplete and the gaps in the description can't be filled well by a reader's imagination. There is nothing wrong with being a little more flamboyant in your word selection when describing such things.

    That said, this is a good narrative poem and there are some points in it where a reader can feel the emotional involvement.

    You have written from the feelings present as a result of abuse and you most certainly have not done it badly, in regards to that I can only hope that your future is much better than your past.

    Good luck in the contest and I wish you all the best.

    Adrian


  • jcat gold member
    February 25
    Edit | Reply
    Your message is a very powerful one!! We must tighten down laws that keep predators off our streets!! Know in your heart and soul that your words here tonight did not fall on deaf ears!! I heard loud and clear and will do what I can to protect the innocents!! Thank you for your entry


  • Nicada silver member
    February 10
    Edit | Reply
    The message you share here is a powerful and a very important one. We all really do need to be aware of the dangers in the world, and be protective of our innocent children. This is who the abusers tend to prey upon. Those who are weaker physically, then they are. Great job sharing a strong message. Thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    For me, this reads like prose.

    You have some imagery but not consistently (in my opinion) and the line spacing is unneeded. I would suggest breaking this up into stanzas making it slightly easier to read

  • phoenixonfire
    January 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very sensitive write and it may touch the hearts of people who can relate to it! Its very deep and straight forward and flows like a sad song in the head! Well done with the write!!

    ~pri


  • HereComesTheSun
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Positive: you keep people reading each line with each line you give a little more like you give one piece of the puzzle each line and i love how this starts very just poetic talking about scenery and then BAM you have a creature and a story and lines from life being shown. i loved the word choice such as "Cut right through to the bone" and i love how you tell a message the line "I am here to remind you of the people who have taken your innocence" it just sends shivers down the spine.

    Negative: for me i wanted more lines such as cut right through the bone, i wanted more of that, this was a cake with icing i just wanted sprinkles.

    thank you so much for entering


  • StarEyes
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Even if we are not heard we need to let it be known that these monsters are out there so we can protect what is innocent and pure.

    So nobody else has to lose their innocence esspecially our children

    For if you forget then you will be faced with same fate and the creature will not be far behind


    Such power in those words! All abuse victims need to remember this! I for one could stand to keep that in mind as well! Great job. Powerful read!

    Best of luck in this contest!


  • couldbeworse
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    Even if we are not heard we need to let it be known that these monsters are out there so we can protect what is innocent and pure.

    So nobody else has to lose their innocence esspecially our children

    For if you forget then you will be faced with same fate and the creature will not be far behind

    I had to copy/paste this whole part cause its important to me and other abuse victims. your piece captured the terror of a victim and even the mindset of the abuser. thats pretty tough to do. well done.


  • lyricist
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    wondefully written poem. i despised men that take hats not there's to begin with. this inspirational poem for eveybody to always keep aware of their surroundings even who they hang with.


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow, brilliant discription in this. You have written it so well. Your word useage was pefect.
    Great write.
    Laura


  • falling faster
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    I like it, a full story.
    But really makes you think.
    A lot deeper than it first appears.
    Well done.

1 - 15 of 15