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Basic Instinct I and II

Etheree I
 
Air:
inhale;
exhale; breathe.
Pulse: living beat,
pump oxygen's breath;
circulate; energize.
Blood: red; protecting; caring;
veins searching through body's highways.
Existence persists through atmosphere.
Breathe: inhale; exhale; poisoned, polluted air.
 
Etheree II
 
Air:
draw in;
gasping breath;.
Pulsing heartbeat;
refreshing blood flows;
viscous vibrant streaming;
plasma's protective nurture;
veins coursing our human highways,
extant persistence through atmosphere.
Respire; gasps of defiled, befouled stained air.

Author notes

For this assignment, I want you to write two etherees. The first will be of a rushed, inferior quality, where you were writing "just to be writing something". In the second, I want you to drop some of those inferior verbs (such as "run", "move", "shine", etc.) and replace them with verbs of more literary value, such as "coruscate", "lambaste", "perturb", and others

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

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Comments


  • The Poetic Angel
    January 28

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    Nice one Jems

    You make this assignment look so easy and produce beautiful poetry at the same time

    i love You

    xxx Your angel xxx


  • maralisa silver member
    January 27

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    aw wow these are beautuful poems thank you for sharing and goodluck in the contestmaralisa


  • lyricist
    January 27

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    you so far on another level with poetry, and words. i feel as though my writings have nothing compared to you. your good with english composition. i dont know where really to begin. i can humbly say my mind cant figure out how you write what you write. you realy got talent


    • Ceridwens Soul silver member
      January 27
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      Thank you poet, I am not sure where the pen finds things sometimes either.