I hurt because they hurt me, I'm empty for they stole
my pain creates more pain...but how, when I've no soul?
I'm as empty as their feelings yet weighed down by their hate
They left before they got there but I'm still prepared to wait.....
No one ever loved me but I miss love all the same
I know it's called 'Abuse', but I know I am to blame
A butterfly with broken wings who tries in vain to fly
A sadness that is physical but doesn't make me cry
So many other people but as lonely as before
I haven't any allies but forced to fight a war
Oh, to fall a dreamless sleep, oh, to have more dreams...
A non-existence from time not born that's been ripped at the seams
Can a person become damaged when broken from the start?
Can they be called alive when they haven't got a heart?
Searching for the pieces that were never lost
I'm prepared to offer anything but I don't know what's the cost
Please can someone take me? to where? I just don't know
My life is flying past me but it's going far too slow
I'm stupid, worthless, ugly, I was fucked up in the head
I crave love and acceptance so i wish that I was dead
Oh My God, it's hurting, stop it, STOP IT, PLEASE!!!
Make me numb just like before, make my emotions freeze
I really don't know who I am but hope that I'm not me
I choose blindness to deny but see what others do not see
I'm so confused, I'm so confused, I'm so much in despair
I'm scared of getting too close but I really want you there........please hold me and make it better, take it all away, don't let go, please, I need you to hold me up for I can't do it alone, please, I beg you just to stay ....
Author notes
Where this came from I don't know, it's like the words just magically appeared on the screen....it hurts just reading it back
A contest entry
- Loneliness by Cyclical.
1000 points, ended February 9, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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okay, so your rhyme scheme is great but i would make the suggestion to break this up into stanzas to make the flow even better.
I'm prepared to offer anything but I don't know what's the cost
i think you can take out "what's" so it would just be I'm prepared to offer anything but i don't know the cost.
and i think when you say i was "fucked up" in the head.. it's like your curse sounded unnecessary and you just used it to rhyme so idk i'd change that line a little bit.
and then when you have STOP IT, PLEASE!!! all caps and then the exclamation marks, i really think that takes away from your meaning completely so i think you should make it lower case and take out the exclamation marks. i also didn't like how you rhymed with freezed because it sounded a little forced compared to all your other rhymes that worked really well. maybe instead you could you the word cease, deceased, sees..
and then in your very last lines your rhyme scheme just kind of ends and i feel like if you kept the rhyme all the way through it would make it more powerful.
Can a person become damaged when broken from the start?
Can they be called alive when they haven't got a heart?
^^favorite lines =]
and then i really like your opening line but then when you say "my pain creates more pain" i feel like you can say "my head creates more pain" idk just to eliminate that repetition.
really good job with this, a lot of emotion.
<3 -
*tears* *hugs*
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this is like the best poem i have ver read. can i admire you? if not for your poem than for the strength it took to write. -cautiously offers hugs-
i know i can't really say anything to make it better, or at leaste less worse. but im here. i won't repeate anything you tell me, and maybe i could make it an insy bit less hadr to bear.???
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The past often hurts us and stops us moving into the future. Once we move forward, allowing the past to be just that and nothing more. We find a wonderful tomorrow waiting for us. Living for TODAY is a great place to start healing. You really opened up here and now you should tell yourself that its down on paper and out of YOU. No more part of you as your life starts again right NOW today.
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Oh honey I hear you I do
In my own experience I have found that writting often lets us heal ourselves for we can let out the bad through our fingertips to find the love and life we want and it is in the writting and reading that wakes up our senses and know once written and re read you will find the dream as well as the sorrows before you . Let it go through writting release the pains within and know with each you are healing and will find your way . Often when Im writting its as though another power directs my fingers often the thoughts comes so fast I have a hard time keeping up with them and thus wonder who was really writting what is before me .I know that you are a good person and one with much love this is what I read withing your poem here .I know that you have been hurt but you must never feel about yourself what you feel others feel .Dig deep inside find that person within that is fighting to live and know the real love about them . Understand their are many forms of love there is friendship and there is a love deep within yourself that is so unique in its own form just like your own DNA You with this love you hold back is what will raise you avbove the pain . Talk to me honey and keep writting and releasing the feelings from within untill you have removed all the bad thoughts and replace them with thoughts of love your love your dreams and the journey ahead one that only your can bring confidence and joy to .You can do this and know you arent ever alone .
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