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Into Darkness, I Fall

A barren delta yawns
by candle light flickering,
wasting, corroding
the inner circuits of soul.

Engulfing entirely
into a black swimming nothingness.

The sky seems grey
the stars roll by at night,
enfolding me down
beneath the waves of time.

 

Into the darkness I fall,

sinking deeper, deeper

my abyss.

Author notes

Word Prompt: Melancholy

A contest entry

Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • FaeRae gold member
    January 27, 2009

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    Wow

    My only critique is that that could have been longer, and that's just for my own satisfaction of being able to feel longer connected to someone with feelings similar to my own (at times).
    Fantastic Work. I'm jealous.

    ***Rae***


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    January 27, 2009

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    I can feel it

    This is what depression can feel like and you have chosen the words well to suit the feeling. I like the deeper into my abyss hopelessness which you express. True melancholy.


  • Cathetel Ecanus silver member
    January 27, 2009

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    This leaves me feeling closter phobic, like I have just fallen in a deep pit and do not know where or even if I will land or perhaps I have fallen into my own darkness of the mind?!? Awesome, write, thoroughly enjoyed!

  • Eusebius
    January 27, 2009

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    yes, a fine short poem here, indeed (the Delta of Meloacholy!) most deftly done penning! bravo!

  • Kari gold member
    January 26, 2009
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    Oh wow, amazing. Thanks so much for your entry.

1 - 5 of 5