The Adventures of Squirrel-Beard

Jack was just an average man
Before his life in truth began
He lived with his girlfriend, Joann
In an apartment on Sycamore Street

Jack was employed as a store clerk
And everyday he dreaded work
Because his boss was a huge jerk
So he fantasized about being fired

His home life wasn’t completely bad
But often times Jack was awfully sad
No matter what he did Joann got mad
And things weren’t like they used to be

He had a neighbor named Paige
To her he would confess his rage
About always feeling caged
In a life he felt he didn’t choose

Jack was too distracted to see
That Paige wanted him desperately
In her heart she was never free
But she kept all this to herself

Jack needed a massive life swap
And so into his lap did drop
Something to make all dull days stop
And alter his life forever

It was a usual day in Commonsville
Another routine day of life still to fill
Nothing important to do this day, until
Jack realized Tuesday was trash day

Joann had continually told Jack
He too often got off of track
And would thrive if he didn’t slack
And just threw out his video games




Every Tuesday for five months and one day
Joann got up early without delay
And promptly threw each one of Jack’s games away
But Jack always recovered them

Unluckily, this day he had forgot
Maybe the garbage man can still be caught
That was his only promising thought
But it was not to be

He dressed and flew out the door
Nearly knocking Paige to the floor
“No time,” Jack said and nothing more
As he sprinted down the stairs

Paige followed with, “They’ve already gone!”
“She was out there just about at dawn,”
“Pulling the trash cans out on the lawn.”
And with this Paige let out a sigh

“You didn’t stop her?” Jack fiercely roared
“Anything I say would be ignored,.”
“And any more strikes I can’t afford,”
“Because your girlfriend clearly hates me.”

“See you, I’m headed to the dump.”
Jack replied with a little jump
But about Paige he was really stumped
Why hadn’t she tried to help?

Jack got in his truck and drove through town
He was still feeling extremely down
And on his face he wore a deep frown
Still thinking about Paige and Joann

When he got to the landfill
He was slightly more cheerful
There was a certain hope still
He would get his games back

The guard pointed him to the day’s load
When he saw the size he sighed and mowed
But he spotted something and he glowed
He had found them!

The bag was high but he could reach
Then, a splash, a crash, high-pitched screech
Something stuck to Jack’s face like a leech
Everything was different after that

Jack lifted his hands up and felt
On his chin a smooth and soft pelt
And all around him everything smelt
Exactly like burnt hair

“I don’t require any stroking,”
“And I’d prefer you’d stop poking,”
“And do I smell my fur smoking?”
The pelt inquired to Jack

Jack leapt up from the ground
Began to spin around
“From where did that voice sound?”
He thought he said to himself

“Down here, we seem to be fused together,”
“And perhaps we will be stuck forever.”
“Do you think it’s something you can weather?”
Said the extremely verbal fur

“How can I walk around with you?”
Jack said this and knew it was true
“What should I say? That you just grew?”
“I grew a hamster out of my face?”

“Oh, and the fact that you speak,”
“Nobody will think I‘m a freak.”
The beast just let out a shriek
And simply said, “I’m a squirrel.”

With that Jack lost his self-control
He leaned down to pick up a pole
“I’m going to get you ugly mole!”
And a couple swings and misses later

Jack finally threw the pole away
“I have no problem if you do stay,”
“We’ll never get apart anyway.”
“By the way, what’s your name?”

“I have named myself Pan.”
“Maybe this is a plan,”
“From up there, the big man.”
Pan wondered out loud

After that moment they had a bond
And they both have become very fond
Of their unique link and far beyond
And it changed both their lives

They chose to not tell any folk
Their secret they would always cloak
Like an important inside joke
Almost like they were superheroes

Pan tucked in his legs and head
And in public nothing said
Pan happened to be all red
So he matched Jack’s hair

No one noticed Jack’s new beard
Which is actually weird
Because of the way it appeared
Being animal fur and all

There is much more to tell
About how Jack and Pan dwell
And how it turned out swell
So… another time, same place.