spellbound as if one
owl~ apple tree and pale moon
transitory dreams
~oOo~
through old branches see
pale~ cherry tree captured moon
over your shoulder
~oOo~
glowing through your hair
paling moon~ its flight eclipsed
envious of you
~oOo~
paling moon passes
red plum tree captured its glow
held within~ branches
~oOo~
silver spider web
shivering slightly in breeze
tries catching pale moon
Author notes
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Western Sequences and Narratives.
“Many western poets have written groups of Haiku exploring varies aspects of one subject or theme. One of the more successful early practitioners of the Haiku sequences in Europe was the Spanish poet Antonio Machado, 1930. Also Robert Hayden, 1972. By 1974 Haiku magazine devoted several pages to Haiku sequences, many of them narratives. Today virtually all of the English language magazines publish sequences of Haiku. And during the last decade or so, several Haiku sequences have appeared that consist of poems which can stand separately, but are linked to one another as much the same way as the stanzas in a renga”.
The Haiku Handbook, how to write, share, and teach Haiku,
William J. Higgenson
...
Definition of Haiku
1) An unrhymed Japanese poem recording the essence of a moment. Nature is combined with human nature. It usually consists of three lines of 5/7/5 (5 onji in the first line, 7 onji in the second line, and 5 onji in the third line) totaling seventeen onji.
2) A foreign adaptation of 1, usually written in three lines totaling 17 syllables or LESS.
As you will notice, there are two definitions. Definition #1 is where many get confused. People tend to confuse onji with the English syllable.
This is like comparing apples to oranges. Onji cannot be compared to syllables.
Unless you are Japanese, have been writing Japanese, or speak fluent Japanese, you will be writing definition #2.
The difference between the two is that in definition #2, you will be writing three lines of poetry, 17 syllables or LESS.
This means you do not have to write three lines of 5/7/5 (5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables in the third line). You may do so, if you can do it well without fluff words (many can't). If you write 5/7/5, that does not make your poem more of a haiku than someone who does not write 5/7/5.
An ideal haiku should be short/long/short - but that depends on the haiku itself. There is nothing wrong with 5/7/5, if that is what you want to write. However, the majority of modern haiku in most of the journals are not 5/7/5. That doesn't mean that it doesn't have its place.
However, it is all "haiku," not "haiku" and "other." It's just haiku. If you like, you can refer to 5/7/5 as "traditional" -- but even that is not entirely accurate, as it is quickly becoming more traditional to veer away from 5/7/5. The plural of haiku is also haiku, NOT haikus.
After you have been writing and studying haiku for a while, you may be ready to break a rule. This is fine, if it is needed to improve the quality of an individual haiku.
However, before breaking any haiku rule, you must learn and practice the rules.
Then after you are more experienced, you can determine which rule, if any, you want to break on occasion.
Break rules out of experience, not inexperience.
..
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great
Your writing has made me want to look into my instructions and play with some words to see what comes out. Your writing is so refreshing and challanging.
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very beauiful
good use of repitition and great use of words
i think this poem is very strong in the fact that the description was very exact..
The emtional responce was a little tense
but i still could feel an envy between the moon and the owl...
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Thank you
Thank you for reading my suite of Haiku and of course your kind words.
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This was really interesting. I'm not so good at haikus, but these were amazing.
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This reminds me of a children's book about the moon. The little bear thinks the moon is in the river for he sees it there. He goes to catch it. Another time he climbs a tree but cannot reach it. He thinks the moon is on a hillside so he goes to get it there and it talks to him, but it is only the echo of his own voice. The moon is so finely woven and glows on us all and on everything. Perhaps it is in our eyes as we look at it too.
So nice to see you writing again. That paling moon will be brighter tomorrow if it shines upon all the snow we are to receive. Beware the moon's lunar affect it might reflect keeping us all awake.
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