Soft subtle silence he so yearns
Raw raspy growls groaned in green glade
Then quiet loud hints his concerns
When caring spirals arms too high
Distracted kindness goes awry
Till naught is wrought from good intent
To later mock in hushed lament
When waging war both take their turns
Within these men each feel betrayed
But where no one, none ever learns
Hostilities cannot be won
The anger deep when it is done
In dreams he dwells on give and take
Much more than sounds are here at stake
Soundless Senses…
Wandika 1-16-2009
Author notes
Wandika
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I don't know.
I don't know if there are any winners in a war no matter what kind of war it is. Sometimes as I had said before we just need to have quiet time for ourselves. -
3rd person omniscient: check
Being someone who spends a great deal of time in the forest, I understand "Then quiet loud hints his concerns" - nature knows when there is danger.
I like how the senselessness is displayed here; how too often what man wants is undermined by what man does.
great job
ken
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Thanks for reading
and your comment.
Jim
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Your poem is wonderful
It is full of alliteration and assonance very cleverley interwoven throughout. I wish I could do that. Then there is the internal rhyme and the whole thing just flows with music and great metre an rhythm. I can hear it. You are clever, I am envious.
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Thank you.
I appreciate your reading and your nice comment.
Jim
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I love your use of alliteration in this delightful sonnet.. Your second stanza is just wonderful.
"When waging war both takes their turns" I think you may have meant "take" their turns. Please feel free to tweak that little typo. Plenty of time for updates.
You are subtle with your use of 3rd person omniscient - just barely there. I would like to have seen it a bit more pronounced.
However, this is a lovely sonnet, perfect to the form and wonderful to the prompt. Thank you for another splendid entry in NO GREENS. I enjoyed this one very much.
I will be back. ~Pamela
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Thanks Pam
You are always kind.
Jim
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You combine so much poetic artifice into a delightfully thoughtful offering. I'm going green (with envy)
Jim
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Thank you kind sir
You turn my head.
Jim
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Nice effort again here Jim...you penned another great work and so thoughtful. Hope to hear from you soon my friend. THANKS!
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How true.
Ia believe this is very prophetic espicially for this period in history. As always Jim you pen the most excellent pieces. I have to have surgery again, laid off from job but maybe I will have time to do more writing.
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Yes, soundless senses is what we must to listen to. I like the way you finished this poem. Nice done.
~Sonja~
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