A kiss. It was only a kiss. Rattling in my brain, unrelenting, picking up speed, a Derringer against my temple, unimpressive uncorking, grey matter oozing from the pathetic excuse for a bullet wound. A trivial mistake, a brief encounter conveniently swept into the pages of a degenerative journal, harboring the failures of those that found it impossible to cast her off along the wayside. Besmirched in this sordid sea of complications, captured amid the undertow of unrelenting worthlessness. Distance closed, meeting of skin, impeccable pressure, eyes wide shut, slight part, tongue twitch, thump boom boom heartbeats play xylophones, pants of a dog on a summer day. Hand cosseting the contours of a cheekbone, halting with tresses clenched in a fist. Now here we are again, you there on the hardwood floor, picture perfect, grey matter oozing onto the boards, seeping into the grooves, impossible to clean without destroying the veneer. There, the corner of the bed, resting on my laurels, my numb corpse, slumped slightly over the right side, a teeter-totter caught in stasis, waiting for gravity to take its toll. Growing old, growing weary, watching the world move on, lost in the oblivion of this padded cell, the duvet my only comfort, slumped slightly over the right side, rocking back and forth, guttural screams cross my lips but do not come from me, the chilling wakes of these visceral outbursts leaving me quaking in a cold sweat, shirked like those I had left behind, desolate like you, desolate like me, searching for closure that will never arrive.
A contest entry
- Give Me Anything! by ToxicSuicide.
700 points, ended March 22, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Stinks. by Poetryintheblood.
700 points, ended February 7, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So Many Thoughts Stirring In My Head by Rashida.
550 points, ended May 6, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prose by HereComesTheSun.
950 points, ended May 26, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help Me Shed my Skin (PW welcome!) by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended June 29, 78 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best prewritten poems by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1200 points, ended July 16, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hm. That was very good. You certainly know how to tell about a kiss in a million different ways. I loved the imagery at some points.
Favorite line: Captured amid the undertow of unrelenting worthlessness.
Needs improvement: I had to focus to keep attention
Overall grade: 7
Nice work!
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Damn. The line about the Derringer gave me chills. You have a gift for story-telling and conveying ungovernable pain. And yet there something very relishable in your writing. This piece made me read it aloud, just to feel the sensations of forming the words in my mouth. Your imagery and metaphors are simply exquisite. One of my favourites in this contest, without a doubt!
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
well that must have been some kiss; holy crap haha great job drawing this out with words and just blowing the top off the expression of this kiss. thanks for entering
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Powerful emotions were rather evident in your piece here, I could really feel you, especially when added to the imagery. Excellent write.
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Thank you for your very profound entry,I know this feeling well as I have been awaiting closure for years, and still haven't got it, very much to my depressive state, good luck in my contest, Josie
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This is just awesome! You have such a way with words, and you describe things in ways that are so different and great. Every line had me reading faster and faster, not being able to get enough of it. The last part of the last line really did it for me, "...searching for closure that will never arrive."
It fits the poem perfectly. Great job, thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
~ToxicSuicide. -
Oh, I'd say you have a talent for words, every second was like "I can't wait for more!" and then at the end I'm left partly satisfied and curious as to what the story represents in life. The most beautiful part of it was how you worded everything so precise and perfect, that every word sent flashes of images through my mind! I got glimpses of strangers, meeting of bodies, insanity, and about a million other things which make this wonderful.
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Ah, you have a wonderful attention to word choice which gives the text both great detail (for example, it's a derringer not just a gun) and great musicality (for example, the cee's in cascading the contours of cheekbone). Thanks for sharing this!
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Wow,
Umm... almost don't have the words. This was simply... perfection. I loved every moment that passed... I feel as though I'm missing the bigger picture though, like I'm having a slow moment lol but on the surface I can't get enough, I'll give it a few more reads, but you should def. fill me in on the maginficent secret.. or else I'll lose sleep. -
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Magnificent Secret?
Thank you so very much for your kind words. This is an excerpt from the last chapter of a novel I've been working on for a while and it seemed to have a good flow to it so I decided to post it and see what people have thought. I don't divulge any information about my intentions or what I was driving towards with my work as that takes the fun out of reading, in my humble opinion. Thank you again!
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a chilling read. I wouldn't change a thing.
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