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you make me hate, or maybe the other way.


We all die alone,
cause i hit you in the jaw.
Now you wont let me come home.

We fall asleep in different beds
thinking how we want to die.
Wanting the pain to be fed

Pulling out my teeth
over your lovely ugly face.
I'm not going to wash the sheets.

Missing you like whisky shots.
Unable to do anything but smoke.
Can't piece it together like acid dots.

If i could see you die,
i wouldn't close my eyes.
Maybe that's cause i miss those thighs.

Author notes

the quote i used, "There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness."

i have been listening to punk rock lately and it is starting to show.

A contest entry

don't we all feel this way some times.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

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Comments


  • L.Jay
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    i loved this SO much!


  • Byepolar bare
    January 26

    Edit | Reply

    Intersting

    Spelling-4.5
    Grammar-3
    Flow-4
    Structure-5
    Elucidation-5
    Devices-4.5
    Bonus Quote-0.5
    Total-23.5

    This is a very interesting take on this quote. It's a "love to hate you" sort of thing, without an ability to really leave, because of that love. This was definately not what I was expecting from this quote, and that is a good thing! You made me challenge my own thoughts about the idea.

    Now, on to the actual piece itself, because it really kind of struck me. I can definately see the punk influence in this. It actually makes me think about 2 different songs from the band Dope. "Kimberly's Ghost" and "Bitch". I recommend them if you are into industrial music. The third and fifth verses both really stuck out to me. You are being completely unapologetic for your statements, and you kind of catch a glimpse of what drives you in the rlationship. This is a good write. I think it could hav a lot more power as lyrics with a chorus explaining the reason to the madness more clearly. No doubt resides in my mind about the potential for this to become lyrics. Thanks for entering, and the best of luck in the contest. Go ahead and introduce this contest to your friends!