you are on me
quickly, Jack Be
Nimble, grinding
my immature stance
and naive hip
movements.
it is obvious I've
never done
this before.
it's more fun
having sex with
clothes on
with music telling
us to swing harder.
things are far
from over since
neither of us
are sober in the
least bit.
you need me
to quit touching
you? but
"no" i say. and
keep going.
things are slowing
down and the
ground is unstable,
clawing dizzily.
you come up for
air, hands surf through
my hair, caught on
tangles.
these angles are
just right for
kissing, and we
are both missing
our morals.
you grasp my
cheek, whisper
a weak-
"tell me your
story".
but I don't
have one,
and we won't
remember this
in the morning.
A contest entry
- pulling our weight. by girl shaman.
1300 points, ended February 10, 2009, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice is welcome
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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damn, i love it!
peace to all ~flight
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aw. the lust from a club to the next morning ... the death of it all ... love this piece to pieces!!!
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hm well this is a doosey because im pretty stumped on finding a way to critique this but i did like it non the less and it has a mysteriousness to it. it definatly makes you think about what else might have happened. thank you for entering
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love the subconscious rhyme in this. makes everything all the smokier
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damn. party in da club.
i like it, the rhyme and all.
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this is really well done ... in a clever way. i have no critiques...
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*critique
and yes replying to one's own comment saves time... but not explaining the whole thing though
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lol This is actually 100% true, so I guess I kind of did remember it in the morning. Though I'm sure some things have escaped my memory. Thanks for your comment...and your reply to your comment.
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niiice khourey had a hot time
and
thank you thank you... my pleasure.
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yep. the joys of college frat parties. lol
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