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A Proper Horror Story



After several sullen days
of dark and dank depression
he decides to wash away his woes-

and as water trickles tepid from the shower head
he juts his jaw, ruffles the "stubble"
and smooths on some
soap.

But the blade is blunt
and he has quite a fight on his hands
freeing all that filthy fur.

He's winning too
right up until the last round
when nonchalance nicks the final nostril.

As he grits his teeth he takes a brush
and scrubs the fangs furious until the pain departs
and he starts to feel better.

And he does feel better,
for a second.

While toeing troubles down the plughole
he catches wind of a ridiculous rotten rift
and watches wary as soap and sundries
are spewed back into the bath.

He gets down on his knees to see what could have caused the blockage-
rooting around in gloop and god knows what
until eventually, he catches the culprit.

Holding tight
between thumb and forefinger
he raises the rascal to nose level and stares in wide eyed horror
as he comes face to face with a sight so disgusting
that he begins to bowk.

Hanging-

as limp as lettuce;

the goriest of all images,

his own

bloody beard.



Author notes

Floorboards is me name.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • Storminbrenda silver member
    November 10
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Lol thought it would be a spider mind you shaved beard does look like spiders well kind of ewww hate beard shavings gross things when they get stuck in the plughole only solution buy a electric one lol very cool write though and made me laugh to


  • Dryad Enya
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    Welcome to the finalist list.

    Most brillaint, the totaly absurdity, rediculouse in every format and yet so unexplainably halarious. I love you for writing this Mr annonaymized.

    If anything, this is jmy favourite piece, looking like the gold holder so far but we will have to wait and see. I do so love it, the title intregued me, the horror of whats blocking our drains does always set a spark amongst the kindle. For someone to write upon it seems most stupid and yet you've done it so well!

    Best of luck and thanks for entering
    Dryad Enya


  • dragonfly89
    November 2
    Edit | Reply

    Cute!

    This was quite a fun read. It kept me reading, wanting to see what was going to happen. Thanks for the entry.


  • Vintage Chiffon
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very deep write
    Kinda made me cringe here and there lOl
    Thanks so much for entering
    Good luck
    -Damien


  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    Huh.. Great story. Kept me interested.

    Overall grade: 4/10

    Thanks for entering


  • C J Weatherholt
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    HAHA!!! Loved it it made me laugh, it might not have been intended for that but it did! Wonderful write and thanks again for entering.


  • Justified Inc.
    April 1

    Edit | Reply

    EWWWWWW!

    Oh my goodness! You really grossed me out! lol
    But the way you grossed me out was magnificent!
    Wow! Your imagery and format is really KEWL!
    I thought it was gonna be a dead mouse! lol
    I could never of guessed!!!!! I have to pick through some more poems for finalists.....I wonder, I like the originality of this one so much, I may come back for it!
    It's so hard to choose!
    But this is so worthy just for the grossness alone! lol, just kidding, it's so well written!

    Bravo!
    Justified Inc.


  • Kathraina silver member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    OUCH!
    Wow, vivid imagery here that leaves me with a haunted feeling. Good job!
    Bravo!!!

    ♥ Kate


  • spideracer gold member
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Awesome write about ones battle with shaving, not a topic most would think to write about, and with such poetic flare. Oh how something like shaving can be turned into a poem, just goes to show that any topic can become poetry. It's all up to ones own imagination, and you've shone what can be achieved when one digs deep into their soul. Well done and thanks for sharing, also good luck in the contest.


  • NickelleteXninja
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    wow
    unique thing to write about
    I liked it though it def kept my attention

    thanks for entering


  • sheltered
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    so f'in original
    i've always wanted to take something simple
    and explain it deeply and as well as this
    totally trippin'


  • just rob gold member
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    This was a fun read. The alliteration was what, finally, made me read it aloud.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    This is very well done.


  • peregrin
    February 2
    Edit | Reply
    nice, however, not meeting my guidelines, look on the contest page.


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    mmmm this is intresting Alex, kept me reading i was waiting for a pube or something else lol good show


  • xXStrangleMeXx
    January 29
    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    haha i love how odd it is =]


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Hanging in suspense for that last line, very well laid out story... what a shower!!!

    ♥
    whisper


  • dawgzilla
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    THAT MONSTER!!!!
    HE'S A BEARD MURDERER!!!! (que cheesy horror movie lighting and fake screams)
    lol i liked it, very nice


  • Xx.Toxic.xX
    January 29

    Edit | Reply

    omg!

    every man's worst nightmare for sure. myself, i just thought it funny. very good job though. the rhyme is amazing.


  • loststorme
    January 29
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    lol very nice write, I found it kinda funny, if I had five thumbs theyd all be up


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm... I'm on my fourth read-through... I shall have to come back to it. Hope you don't mind if I leave the clappies until then.


  • Sandygram
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    A great write Alex, I had no idea where you were taking this one. I kept thinking a hand with long fingernails was going to grab him from the drain through the blockage You do have a very creative imagination. Must be something in that English tea. Loved reading this. Take care over there.

    Bless You,
    Sandy

  • patrick20traveler
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    Why not? Somewhere, Somehow, there is an admiring audience for just about anything; there is simply no accounting for what the public likes. Write on!


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is a truly deep and heartfelt write!!!! You did an incredible job with this piece thanks for sharing and I am so sorry again for the first time!!!!


  • afroqban
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    very creative. i sat reading every word on the edge of my seat. well done scribe here


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    January 28

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    nice flow of words, pen to paper, and you end up coming up with a nice poem. It was a pleasure reading your work.


  • Tony El Great silver member
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    Oh man, and I thought it was going to be a dead mouse.

  • oboe2008
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    Like the attack of the beard...interesting thoughts. Great job!


  • Fibe Kill-DFW Punk-
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    ewww i love horror, that put quite a gory picture in my head and almost made me cringe, great job


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Yes, it is. I think you will continue to add to the horrorific imagery as you go along. I rather enjoyed reading this write.


  • Ich schreie schreie
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    It reminds me of someone...


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this. It is told in a manner that has you on the edge of your seat up to the very end. Great job.

    Mike


  • Girl-Interrupted gold member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply

    Smileloved this...surprise ending to me...

    .awesome, descriptive write...! bravo...

    hugggss,'
    becca

  • lostskylark
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    hahahaha. this was fun.

    at the end i thought the character was going to find a rat or something. not that it would have made sense.


  • sheltered
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    lol... unexpectedly poetic

1 - 36 of 36