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Hoping For Hope

Emotions overcome me
subtle in appearance,
drops of dues beneath my eyes
and I tear with hope of no recovery.

Envisage seeds yet to grow
trying to seek the skies
as the prism bows,& colors melt
ending in the divine horizon

Reality kills the naive soul
hopes for it to disappear
into eternal oblivion
where nothing is guaranteed

Abdicate thoughts of fury
indulge in life,its hope
watch as the sky grows bright
and ends in marvelous silence.





Author notes

I do rhyme as well as FV ...but very rarely do I write FV ...this is one of them...

I hope you all like it !

Anagha Nataraj (i have entered more than once for the folowing contest -
"You ,ALL BOUT YOU !!(PW's ALLOWED!!)"

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • softest-whispers
    March 6
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry ~Luce


  • Mythtress
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    I felt the pain of this piece and the despair voiced by the poem's speaker. You did an excellent job with the imagery.

    The only line that was 'weird' to me was the line "with hope of no recovery" Why would anyone HOPE for no recovery?

    Other than that it was an excellent poem of despair.

    Write on, poet.

    Blessings,
    Myth


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    cant find your second poem in the contest I know its there somewhere! but I can't find it, please send me a link to it asap xD if i havent found it by then at least ^_^


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    February 15
    Edit | Reply
    Second time through tonight... still sounds odd to me in places

  • poets whisper
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    very nice. Just one suggestion and that is:
    "and I tear with hope of no recovery."

    if it were me I would say, with no hope of recovery or for recovery. Thank you for entering the contest


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Tears could well be from the "dues" you've paid in life... if so, that's pretty clever just the way it is, otherwise C is right, dew is the plural of dew.

    of more concern to me is the line:

    "Envisage seeds yet to grow"

    It sounds like what you mean is:

    "(I) envision seeds yet to grow" with the "I" being implied. If "Envisage seeds" are supposed to be like bean seeds or apple seeds, then there is an issue in that "envisage" is a verb, not an adjective.

    To clear up some of the ambiguity of the short terse lines of this poem, perhaps consider expanding the poem from an average of four words per line to say, at least seven or eight words per line to flesh it out and clear it up?

    Your choice... I anticipate the contest will be open for another few days.


  • Cannonsfire
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    1st stanza - dues (dew) never plural
    no comma before an 'and'

    This has good emotional imagery, spoiled somewhat by those tight structured verses or stanza's...try to break up the flow...i.e

    reality kills
    this naive soul
    hopes for it to disappear
    eternal oblivion

    nothing is guaranteed

    see by breaking it up, letting some lines be the important points, the reader can picture and feel it better. Good job,


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    you did a good job with the FV.
    thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
    ED.

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