She never opened her eyes
but spoke to my uncle like he was in the room
she's still breathing...
Author notes
Contest 19/19/30 (19 words, 19 poets, 30 minutes)
A contest entry
- 19/19/30 by stasis.
1050 points, ended January 26, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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The lingering awaiting death, seen through your eyes. I have seen the same thing and sudden death. I'll take the sudden death. Lingering death is so hard, so very hard on everyone especially the one dying. Sometimes dying is very hard working, getting to the point of letting go.
You have explained it very well by writing a very good poem on a tough subject.
Thank you for sharing.
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Catie, i was just reading through some of your older work and this title drew my attention because i do hospice care, i love this, it's so true of people who are dying, they talk to people who aren't even in the room, i love this snippet, it is thought provoking and makes me feel like i'm there, wonderful, meaningful poetry.
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bless you for the kind of work you do..I couldn't do it. uh,
Yeah, my grandmother was dancing with my dead uncle (her son). made me and my dad smile. My grandmother hadn't danced in years! lol. uh, I have dreams til this day of her dancing.
one of those bitter sweet memories.
thanks for the read.
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Art.
Moving.
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very strong
it makes you wonder who is dying
i agree with your closing statement in the author notes
i would delete the author notes though (you don't want to give away a poem in the notes) -
Amazing write, and your comments are spot on, too many words dilute, and your spare collection in this piece is truly incredible. Intensily beautiful emotional pain.
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that's a beauty. really simple and controlled.
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you captured everything....you made it real to feel. this is what i love about poetry. love, lane
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I think this was utterly fantastic. There was such soft yet powerful emotion in so few words, I'm sorry for your loss. You conveyed a very sad scene here, brilliant write
Laura
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thank you
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That is what scares me. My grandma is getting old and she's in a home. I don't want to have those kind of memories. This is heartfelt. I wish you luck!
~Kystal Angel
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Wow, this has so much power in such a brief piece, the visual it brings to mind is strong. Good luck hun C
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Thanx
so hard to write something like this in only 19 words...I was hoping that I some what pulled it off....
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You do these short ones with such an impact. I was left breathless myself in the end. Best to you in the contest
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thanx so much
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