Familiar as your irises
the pathways wind
through my days
my dreams run
on the usual tracks
molten lava veins
behind pressed eyelids
to strain of looped music
only to petrify:
fault lines in cold
white marble.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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outstanding
I keep coming back to this piece to comment and then am unable to think. I am lost in the perfect frustration. A cold, apathetic frustration. ugh. Gotta quit reading this.
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When both the direction of your day and that of your dreams at night seem so familiar who can show much interest in where you are going. I love the opening line, at once so tender but now so familiar as to suggest a kind of contempt, that those irises no longer excite. And what a detail to focus on, not just the eyes. I agree with an earlier comment, pressed is a more descriptive word, has a subtlety lacking in squeezed, though the previous line really suggests for me a building up of some kind of frustration, but this is later deflated, nicely, with 'only to petrify'. This is such a short piece but so generous with the rise and fall of emotions and finally the depletion of any effort to change. I don't know if you intended any of this. You probably know the Sickert painting of the same title in the Tate.
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This is super, Stef. Talk about making words an experience..
to the strain of looped music is so ---good.
Perfectly compressed. And it makes me feel all sorts of different things and ways. I'll read this a lot. Because it changes its face everytime I glance..
Good stuff. No nits for me.
Lisa
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I like the recoil
my days my dreams
squeezed eyelids is a bit forced
and for some reason I read the last line
white, miserable
probably some adversity to the accent cold/white added to petrify marble
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I changed squeezed to pressed.
Thanks Alex. Actually forced seems a good word for me just at the moment.
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