How can you know the truth of victory
Without first dwelling in the agony of defeat?
How can you value a heart
When you are committed to a loveless bride?
How can you feel the power of authority
If you are not at all responisble?
The ignorance in your words when you claim to know it all
The way you treat us like worthless elements,
Your hunger for our obedience when you call us your children,
Sickens me.
May you burn in the flames you've created,
May you drown in the sorrow you've soaked us in,
May you never wake again.
Author notes
option: word bank
words used
Heart
Loveless
Truth
Agony
Obedient
Hunger
Burn
Element
Responsible
Sorrow
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DemonSpit
German Smurf Song
A contest entry
- Contest #3 Lots of Options by kurikaesu.
578 points, ended February 6, 2009, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Nemesis by Umi Juvariel.
600 points, ended February 13, 2009, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This was entertaining. I enjoyed the easily readable monochrome colors, and in a way these colors helped to set the mood for this piece. It was interesting enough, and I wish you good luck in my contest.
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How can you value a heart
When you are committed to a loveless bride?.... speaks for its self!!! -
Woah..That's really all I can say for this...Woah. You wrote a wonderful piece. Right from the beginning I was entranced. For only being 12, you've got talent.
A few ickle things though, I asked you to put in your AN your username, and with this poem I definitely want to see your other work
, and "German Smurf Song" so I knew you read the rules ^_^ Please put those in.
Next little thing "Your hunger for our obidience when you call us your children," obidience -> obedience
Other than that, the spelling adn grammar is amazing. You've definitely caught my attention with this poem.
I don't have a favorite part, because each and every line is brilliant.
Thanks for entering, and good luck
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thanks for the comment
and i have done what youve told me to do
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