Brian's Song

Being an allusion to a small boy's savior
was all you really cared about.
You dared to judge all of my behavior
although, your faults far outweighed my own.

You pinned a scarlet letter on my chest

not once checking for a pulse.

Carefully sewed to my dying breast

with mocking sincerity.

You slid a glove over your hand

as my blood began to pool,

but never realized that this brand

was not mine to bear.

Author notes

This is unfinished as of yet. And perhaps it reqires some background. I recently dated someone who was an EMT. I thought that incorporating his career with his behavior toward me would be a cute idea, but I got this far and am stuck...Help would be beyond appriciated.

Any and all suggestions are welcome.

Comments

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
gray2020 beard
March 24

Edit | Reply

Not sure
Please don't take offense, but you did ask...At first read the first two stanzas sound like a younger brother speaking to his older sibling. Although the reference to a scarlet letter pinned to the chest suggests an adulterous relationship and the last stanza a broken heart caused by the betrayal and being falsely accused. So maybe a little rewording in the first stanza to bring it into line a bit better with the others.You could add a final stanza dealing with throwing the_____ (insert your preference), out. Best I can suggest. Good luck
- true.romance
  March 25
  Edit | Reply
  
  Thank you for your honesty. I'm really nto happy with it, btu like I sadi I got stuck... It was really just an idea I was playing with more than an actual poem. If I ever do go back to it, the revisions needed are endless.