As I sit next to you every day
my heart sinks a little deeper
Not knowing what to say
When you ask am I mad
I say no and look the other way
As you start to ask again
I say in my head
Your in love with my best friend
As a tear falls out my eye
I can't help but cry
My hearts torn
I wish I was never born
My life's through
And I now see so are
Me and you
Comments
-
wow...what a twist "your in love with my best friend" ouch! been there before...tho at first I thought you were just like me when I had a crush on a guy, I would do nice things for them but I wouldn't really talk to them or look at them (well, I would only look at them when they weren't looking
) and then they would think i was mad...lol. I am terrible when it comes to crushing on a guy. I suck at asking them out (I think..I don't remember ever trying to ask em out...lol) uh, why do I suck at life!?! lol
great piece
-
DaMn i KaN hEllA rELATe!!GuRl InO uR pAiN n DaMn Dat sHyT hUrTs!!BUt DiS wAs A gReAT wRiTe I lUvD iT!!mY FaV pArT wAs
"As a tear falls out my eye
I can't help but cry
My hearts torn
I wish I was never born
My life's through
And I now see so are
Me and you"
KEeP uP dA GUd Ass WrItEs!!
-
Personally, I think this was quite a good poem up until the last 5 lines.These lines are a bit trite; they could've been used by anyone about anything and this poem should read as being unique and personal to you all the way through to have a great impact. I definitely sense the melancholy of your situation so no problems there as emotion can be hard to convey with just words. Also 'your' in line 8 should be 'you are' and 'hearts' in line11 should be 'heart's'
Adding your comment:
