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In love for you

a million people
were in-front of you
but i couldn't see a single person
other than you
i must be blind in love for you


you came closer to me,
through the crowd of noise
i could not hear a word the people said
even though they were shouting next to me
i must be death in love for you

you said hello just to me
out of the crowd
it was like we knew each-other forever
in eternity,
i was quite embarrassed
my legs were shivering
i must have broken a leg in love for you

i answered hello back
my friend i was with
said who is this you met
i forgot my friend was there
i forgot everything in my life
just looking through his eyes
i must be memory lost in love for you

i couldn't think at all
my mind stopped completely
i just want to think of you
i must be puzzled in love for you

then i hear love music in my head
my mouth was close to yours
it was just like in the moo-vies
but real life instead
we kissed
it was the best
the first
and i was puzzled
memory lost
death
broken legged
and blind in love for you.

A contest entry

what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is so sweet!

    I love your ending, so descriptive!

    Great job and keep writing!

  • phoenixonfire
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is another very cute write! I like the flow here..its kinda a write by a young writer who is learning about what love is! Your write is innocent and its visual! I really like it!!

    Thanks for entering and good luck!!

    ~pri:


  • Rejected Easter Egg
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    Good luck in the contests you have a natural talent that I hope you take advantage of, you might want to try some more original wording, thesaurus' are great for those types of things


  • JustAnotherIdoit
    January 25

    Edit | Reply

    moo-vies?

    awesome. i loved it. i liked how you kept with the kind of themed stanzas. i loved it. honestly, if i were you, i wouldnt change anything!