I had managed to let someone walk on my dream,
and gave them the power over my self-esteem.
A friend grabbed my arm knowing much was at stake,
"Do you really believe, or are you a fake?"
"What do you mean?" was my tactical stall.
"If you're not convinced you will easily fall."
He asked me a question to test my desires,
"What if that thief were stealing your tires?"
"That can't be the same" I argued his thought,
"You can't compare dreams to something I've bought."
"But, I bought your dream" he said rather proud,
"I didn't know stealing-your-dream was allowed."
I thought for a moment and knew he was right.
I had let someone take it with barely a fight.
My friend was correct, my priorities were skewed.
I've now changed the way that my treasures are viewed.
The proper response that conviction requires,
is; no one can steal my dream, ... or my tires.
Author notes
How many times do we let someone trample our dreams, often by our lack of response.
POW entry
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Bear - by Arkbear.
1150 points, ended January 26, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lessons Learned, Starting Over and Taking That Time. by Shadow Stalker.
700 points, ended February 16, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Beautifully written.
You did an amazing job on this poem. It definitely puts things into perspective and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Congratulations on the HM, there is a wonderful lesson in your write that we all need to take to heart.
"no one can steal my dream,..." unless we let them!
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and how often...
do we let then? (steal our dream) it can be so very fragile at times. Thanks for your comments, I appreciate it very much. - Kevin
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Hello ~
First Impression.....your entry reads quite FV ( Prose') ....and your abundance of Filler Words does tend to hurt your Poetic Voice -
Fillers = the ....and..... is... of ...that..... to... are ....-
I am not saying NOT to use them....I am suggesting to use them sparingly and wisely, as using them in abnundance takes away from the beauty of your write ~
Always remember to keep your Poetic Voice in the forefront -
...and as Immortal, your other Judge, has mentioned, as soonas I read the first L, I knew your Tone was going over to the FV side of the fence
However..........even though I am NOT!!! a fan of rhyme, ironically, a rhyming poem won the POY = Poem of the Year last Decmber 21st......but, be careful with rhym in the PO' Contests.....unless it is done correctly, most of the time is sounds forced, as some areas in this write -
Not bad though -
On another Note.....*Speech* within a Poem, is very gard to do, and still keep Poetic Voice alive -
Too much Speech also tends to bring out the FV Tone, and that is what has happened here....almost Short Story Tone as well -
I see the talent in your Quill....and I see a lot of me in your quill......I suggest, focusing on your subject, and keeping it in forefront....othrwise, you will get lost trying to describe....to convince....and to explain other things which have no Impact to yiour Theme -
I hope see you again....I say what I feel...I hope you are okay with that....if not, you will not gain much happiness here in the PO's -
Over-all...lovely and Creative....just be careful with Fillers and Poetic Format & Poetic Tone.......here is what I am talking about......the link..>>
http://destinationpoetry.com/Poetic_Format.html
Good luck anbd God bless....Bear ~
Title 9.1...not bad...it is cliche' after reading your write, but it could have meant anything metaphorically speaking.....so yes, I would have clicked on this Title
-Flow 7.5....for me.....your Flow is hurt by all of the Fillers and FV Tone -
Depth 9.2..enough depth to grab me and not let me go ....very nice, but reads quite Prose' -
Theme 9.35...Nicely chosen, just too much *Speech* -
Feelings 9.1....I was engaged in your personification and subject, but more POWER would have raised this score a tad -
Grammar 8.0....simple, yet engaging -
Presentation 7.5...Loonnng S*'s are not my cup-of-tea.....makes your thoughts too long and drawn out....break up your thoughts ito smaller and more Powerful S*'s -
Uncommonness 9.9.....your approah is very Creative -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.75...I did ponder.....had a smile at the end
-Ability to follow Rules 10.0...-
Bears Score: 89.4
Good job!
I hope to see you back again as Rules allow -
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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This truly is an empowering write ...
Often I think: I am only happy if ALL around me are happy! And that is almost impossible. For there is always someone "stealing your dream".
The good thing about a dream IS: there are many where it comes from ...
Beautifully written and yes, rhyming is your theme!
Pen on, Poet.
Myra
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thanks
and they are so subtle about it (stealing your dream) - we must be constantly on guard. Have a great day - Kevin
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Hi, and welcome to the POW
I agree with Islekine; the theme is original and insightful, but fillers detract a bit from your flow. As soon as I read "I have managed..." in the first line, I felt it was just too big a hole to get past. The last bit made me laugh, though; overall, a good write that could use a bit of polishing
Well done, and thanks for entering!
Laura, aka Immortal Obscurity
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thanks
for your input, it is greatly appreciated, as my purpose here is solely to improve my craft. thanks - Kevin
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Aloha and welcome to POW!
I love your theme...and the way you added your tires in there...extremely creative!
I would lose some of the "filler" words...
otherwise...a wonderful entry!
I had managed to let someone walk on my dream,
gave them the power over my self-esteem.
I think it reads better without the "and"...couple more
places you could tighten up a bit...
Best wishes in the contest and always! My scores will be in final notes.
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your entry! -
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thanks
for your time in helping me edit my pieces... my goal is to perfect every piece that I have.... I see what you are saying - Thanks - Kevin
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Do tires have an i in your part of the world?
Here, they have a y. Tyres. I was riding around on the quad bike the other day when I noticed that a safety sign said 'tires'. I assumed that whomever made it was just a bit stupid, but now I expect that American tires are spelt differently. Good to know.
They're called 'Chocolate Buttons', but they're not chocolate buttons. They're biscuits, to me at least. Don't want them to burn.
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yes, tires
spelt - spelled learnt = learned subtle differences can really play havok in a rhyming poem.... hope all is well with you - Kevin
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The Last Line is Awesome!
This was great! Love it!
Don't let someone steal your dreams! Amen!
We give people too much power, yes, only God deserves that place in our lives!
Great job!
Annette
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thanks
for your enthusiastic response - it is appreciated - Kevin
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How true! I like the message/theme you have done.
best wishes in the contest
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