I'm gonna be selfish.
I know I am damaged.
I am sure that I am imperfect.
I know that I'm "fucked up" as far as the world is concerned.
But now. I look at the world in a different light.
Poems don't mean shit if they rhyme.
Strength doesn't come from being a goody goody.
And I'm tired of always failing everyone.
Truth is, is that I haven't been happy in a long time,
And I have the disgrace of making my prince charming feel the same way.
Everyone I love has at some point failed and abandoned me.
And now, I try my best not to do the same...........
I'll never be a princess, world leader, or even a hero,
And this time, I forgive myself for it.
I've tried so hard, to be the perfect person,
But in the end, Life doesn't give a damn.
I fight everyday not to give in to my demons.
And as much as I wanna cry, I laugh and smile that much more.
People have betrayed me, hurt me beyond recognition....
And I've loved and lost both a woman and a man.
I've kept my sexuality from my mom, even to her deathbed.
And I have had flashbacks since my dad has died.
It has only intensified to say the least, since my mom has been gone.
Harshly, almost unbearable since my heart has been broken.
I'll never be as everybody wants me to be.
Perhaps, I'm not a good person.
I'm just a bitch to life's ignorance.
For as much as I want happiness, I'll never be the girl I wanna feel.
Its hard not to cut yourself,
When you especially wanna cut your heart out.
When no one can handle the death of a mother....
Knowing, the loss of that mom is that of your own.
Life has betrayed me.
Love has forgotten me.
You have abandoned me.
Especially, when I needed you the most.
Author notes
My husband and I have been together for over 2 years and have mutually decided to seperate. Its the hardest decision I have ever made but we both know its for the best.
How do you feel when you read this poem?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Your poems are amazing, and I see a few things that are similar to my life. I hope that I can be able to use my words as good as you do.
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wow
i really love this.... just bearing your heart.... you are completely right, poetry doesnt have to rythm.... those who can spill their hearts and have in make sense are the most talented writers in the world...
i know that this is about a certain set of cirumstances, but keep up the great work :-)
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Allowing yourself to feel, no matter what that feeling is....is often the first step in healing, Sara. Your marriage can make thru this. No meeting of two souls is perfect. Every single one, takes work and commitment to make it work.
Remind your dear husband that he knew of your imperfections, just as you knew of his, the day the vows were taken...work to keep the door of communication open, honey. Don't shut yourself off from those who love you. And we all do, just as he does. As you deserve to be.
Your pain in is in your poetry, express it. The words need to escape, to release the prison you have kept them in. Never stop the flow.
Be who you are and accept yourself. Just as I accept you, as Mark does,as Shari has always done and as your husband has. We will forever be here. Loving you.
You are beautiful and could never be anything less.
Know that I am here, with the others who admire your strength and grace. As Always,
Deena
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Nothing in life has any inherent meaning for or against us. The only meaning anything has is that which we give it.
There is no reward for pain. If we don't allow ourselves to be happy, pain can just be added onto pain forever until we die. We must insist on it for ourselves no matter what other people do or say to us. And when others hurt us, we must look within to why we attracted them into our lives rather than blindly blaming them. We let them in and usually ignored the writing on the wall due to fear of loneliness. Yeah, they suck for hurting us, but we let them in, and we create our own reality. You are not a victim, you are a creator.
Learn your patterns and why you repeat them, and vow not to repeat them again or you'll keep getting more of what you've already had. I've seen you overcome a lot over the years. You'll overcome this, too. Whether or not you become someone "great" is also up to you. No one else.
Love you,
Uncle Mark
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Oh my dear Sara....
I know that there are NO WORDS that I can say this moment that are going to take away the ache.
I know only this.
Rhyme isn't everything but done well, it is amazing
The world can't handle heroes because its too selfish in itself
All world leaders become corrupt
And to forgive yourself is the best gift you could give anyone.
I love you, and I hope that things will change and your marriage will reunite
And if it doesn't I keep in my heart that you will be happy and something beautiful will be born from your pain
You're not horrible
Your Sister
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