When we were young, we played by the sea
friends enjoying the sand underneath our feet
or laying under shade from a great palm tree
felt like perfect days that could never be beat
Down on that sand, we started falling in love
It was almost like you were alive just for me
Like a creature with wings came from above
Just to make sure I would always be happy
Each day you would ask me to come along
to watch the sunset slowly fading into night
holding me so close to you, where I belong
easing my mind from each little bit of fright
you begged me "Please stay here with me"
but I had to go before my parents found out
that I snuck out and went down to the sea
but now I'm glad that I came there's no doubt
We spent all of our free time with each other
enjoying the sun rays shining down upon us
Never even as much as talking with another
it had always been simple and never a fuss
but as summer drifted by we soon realized
that soon you may have to go back home
and I would lose that perfect being I prized
never again on the beaches would we roam
you told me you loved me and hated to go
it was my time to beg for you to stay here
you promised love would still always flow
through us, brushed from my cheek a tear
and right at the spot where we spent days
playing and enjoying the warmth from sun
you wrote in the sand one simple phrase
"I love you always though life's just begun"
with that you went on your way and I mine
hoping you find your way back here again
knowing I'd miss you and wait for the sign
so I know where to look for you and when
I waited for what seemed to go on forever
as I waited I grew to understand how I felt
I wouldn't go down to the beach, no never
for it hurt everytime being alone as I knelt
I thought you forgot everything about me
like the sand blown covering that phrase
thinking of time it took for wind and sea
to erase all the words, probably just days
Finally, you had come back here with me
so we walked to the beach hand in hand
to the spot where we thought it must be
and it was still there etched in the sand
Author notes
poem by soccertwin91
My 15 words were Sea, Young, Perfect, Down, Love, Alive, Wings, Day, Night, Fright, Begged, Please, Miss, Grew, and Finally
Must be 52 lines in length and theme was When Forever Is Written In The Sand
Yeah soccertwin91
A contest entry
- Got any good ones ? by Anu-Nataraj.
500 points, ended February 27, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Word Bank with a Lime Twist by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended February 8, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want to Feel! by DancingQueenAngi.
475 points, ended March 1, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Great write! What a beautiful and difficult love story!
You need to stick to the same verb tense so instead of the verb "went" you need "I had gone" - "that I'd snuck out and went down to the sea."
In this line you need to replace the word "went" with "came" because in this phrase you are still there so it needs to stay consistent. "but now I'm glad that I went there's no doubt"
Thanks!
~Angi -
This poem reflected the soft innocence of first love and the story was well told. You used all the words given and followed the theme precisely.
Not being one much for rhyme myself, I found that I stumbled over a few places because the flow was disturbed in the effort to make the rhyme apparent. But again, that could be simply because I'm not much of a fan of rhyming poetry.
I think you need to add some punctuation to define the poem a bit more but otherwise, well written.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!
-Bean -
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Thanks for the comment. I really don't understand why you're not a fan of rhyme. Although you don't like rhyming poetry, I believe the rhyming aspect makes it more fun and challenging. Anyone can write random lines and call themselves a poet, but when you rhyme, you must plan ahead and actually think about how to make it work to the best of your ability. Well, I guess that's just your opinion.
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Very Cute. You hit all the words and the theme. There was a very good storyline behind this piece and you took it from beginning, to apex, to end. I think with a bit more punctuation and a little bit of adjustment for meter, this could really be a good piece. Thank you for entering, and best of luck.
-Løki
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this is amazing
beautifully written poem !
i normally don like long poems
ill add this to my exceptions list
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you have very heartfelt imagery typed out here !
good luck in the contest ! -
WOW!!
this is so amazing !
i actually get pretty bored reading long poems..but this i made one of my exceptions !
lol
its a beautifully written poem ...
good work andgood luck in the contest ! -
Awww this was adorable, I'm so glad you took the time to enter, I know heartache and the memories that instill in mind, and maybe nature has a funny way of making sure, you remember love.
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please follow rules !then ishall comment again :
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hadn't quite put the stuff in AN when you left the comment
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Great effort! good luck...
I guess the tide never came in to wash away the writing huh?
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