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A Fallen River's Last Call

Never ending, a river, rich, black, and lusting, soars away.
Mouth a gaping, it's cries out to the world lead blind fools astray.
Lifeless river, nay ocean, of wanton silence reaches free.
How it longs with contrite words to pluck out young hearts endlessly.

Catch your breath for too soon the flood will drown us under wing.
How can song stand astride this evil remnant proud and chiming.
I can see it. The torrent's superseding mind lost cause.
With it's tears, it suffocates; demonic kills are lacking laws.

Maybe all lost will stay so as nothing ceases; what's at stake?
Leaving love in green past-times where truth was murdered for life's sake.
Pendulum of lonely swinging, can you tell you'll soon be missed?
When dawn kisses cruel waters, night becomes one with the kissed.

Singing sweetly and softly, small pricks of bright grass start to fall.
Will they know the fall when it takes them by stress and by recall?
Don't remember what I said please, it makes this hard; it is pain.
With death near, it's apparent: you must be crazy to stay sane.

Call  me back now; I need help! I lost the grass beneath my feet.
Trees are reaching; they can't find me. I am all this entreats.
Black sky above, black water all around me and my nightmares.
Is this what I envisioned? I am a fool to have no fears.

I'm one of the unwanted. I belong inside the black flow.
It becomes me, but where are you? I didn't mean to let go.
Look above you; the night's clear. There's no stars in this perfect sky.
Purple haze clings to horizons. I'm gone don't think of me; please try.

Time crawls in it's undead suite, neatly woven with crafted lies.
I can see from under roots: embroidery of sly demise.
You can't stand it. I'm the same. You're dying but I'm lost to life.
Soon you'll join me, forever trapped by your own hand and your knife.

Author notes

I don't really know what this one's about. I just got a scene in my head of a dark sky with the sun going down and purple and pink haze near it, with big mossy trees all around, but a clearing, a sort of small one, with mein it, and a black river nearby. I let the poem fly me away. It's taken me a while, but it's definitely one of my best works. If that means I'm a bad poet, well, I never claimed to be a good one.

there-goes-my-heart

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • SunDew
    February 21
    Edit | Reply
    I am at a loss for words on this...it's really good! See Symphony's comment? That's what I am thinking.
    I love the line "you must be crazy to stay sane.", but I have another favorite line to add:
    "I'm gone don't think of me; please try."

    Brilliant piece! You are a true poet, to fly away with your poem.

    Thanks for entering & good luck!
    ~Bright Cheetah

    Can I get your s/n, please?


  • Symphony
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    WOW, if you don't know what this is about, then this poem is just absolutely amazing -

    I assumed that you had like full inspiration and planning for this poem, because as I was reading it, I just thought to myself, "this is so heavily burdened, and frustrated - but, at the same time there's a strength of flow keeping it moving constantly!"

    Favourite part had to be,

    "you must be crazy to stay sane."

    I loved the way you worded that in relation to the stanza

    Thanks for entering


  • Stormy Days
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    a bit long very good vocab well written the rhyme is okay this has good imagery and is a wonderful write


  • Girl With Guitar silver member
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing vocabulary.
    Good rhyme.

    Thanks for the entry and best of luck.


  • FleetingImage
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    imagery was amazing to the fullest extent and you showed it very well...good luck


  • HereComesTheSun
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    you show that scene amazingly well
    wow


  • incondite
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks you for your entry and good luck.


  • Random Goldfish gold member
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    I live the nature and fantasy woven in this. I think this piece has some awesome potential. I loved it a lot.

    Thanks for entering.
    Síochán leat
    ~Mairéad~


  • Anemone-Rose
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    oh it left me speechless i like how you added nature into it, oh a breath of fresh air, well done! luck in my contest!


  • August Starlight silver member
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is REALLY good. No, I don't understand a word of it, but it's still really good and well-written. Thanks for entering.


  • Danna Hobart
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering. Unfortunately, your uneven metered rhyme is pedestrian, and therefore will be removed from the contest.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    January 24
    Edit | Reply
    Very pensive and heartfelt, nice job.

    All the best,
    MJ.

1 - 20 of 20