Walking to your car,
don't know what I'm worrying for.
God, I mean I've been in it before.
But seeing the memories,
the horrors, the pain.
I look away, but still see it.
Breath being squeezed from my lungs.
Not again. Never again.
I wont let you have hold of my life.
But there you are, smiling at me.
I want to get away, really I do.
I hate you!
but you smile slyly.
You know I can't get away.
You have a power over me,
my Daddy told me you would
I was young, you were cute.
Your hand slip to my throat,
I feel you squeeze.
I give in,
I'm going with you.
I won't fight anymore.
You win.
I'm scared of you,
I'm scared to go away though.
You can't find her though,
that I won't let you.
Even if it means my life,
You can't have my baby girl.
she's safe from you.
she's safe from your hard hitting fist that meets my face each day.
I promised her she would live.
Though my life is getting short.
Your cruelness can not reach her
Not now, Not ever.
A contest entry
- Give ME EMOTION by Violent Glass.
700 points, ended January 29, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - should you be on my favorites? by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended February 3, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewritten contest for all of these groups take a look by serenity silvermoon.
550 points, ended February 3, 69 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Nemesis by Umi Juvariel.
600 points, ended February 13, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please please please! tell me what you think of this suggestions, everything! it helps me sooo much!! thanks again ;p
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great Message!
There is a great message and a story to be told. Perhaps if you could even out the meter it would flow better to its ultimate conclusion/resolution.
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thanks i'll try that
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I have to agree that there were a lot of I's in this, but other than that, it was a good write. The colors were a little difficult on my eyes sometimes. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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You have "I" in almost EVERY line - it could definitely be reworked a bit to remove a lot of them.
You have the emotion here but for me, it readsmore like a personal dialogue and not as much like poetry.
Thank you for your entry -
wow
what a nice poem
i really felt it in my heart
have i already added you as a favorite?
not yet..then i'm gonna add you now to my fav list -
WOW! You blew me away with this one! The pain, the emotions, the feelings... Honey I have been there too. My ex-husband, tried to kill our son, pulled a butcher knife on him and that was the final straw, I was gone, no looking back! You did a great job on this one! I love the emotions in it!
Best of luck in this contest!
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honestly i thought this wa really good
i liked it
it showed some pain
and anger
i liked it
good write
thanx for entering!
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