in the small cluttered apartment of my life
under the well worn
thread-bare carpets
i've swept dust and ashes and cinders
i never want to see again
if you lift to look
you'll find bricks that were baked on the banks of the Red River
petals and cherry pits
and tears wept openly
i kept a few things
a warm loaf of bread
a hot cup of rose hip tea
a soldier's family Bible
but as the Pishon River
split into four
and spread out into the wide world
so all those whom i knew and i loved
were caught in the unrelenting river of time
and swept away in every direction
but my own
1974: the unbearable
and unending sunny days
i can't believe i slew your minotaur
and escaped your labyrinth
Author notes
Art: "Saturnian Giraffe" (Girafe Saturnienne) by Salvador Dali
* drypoint etching on chromolithograph with embossing, 1974
In a list
A contest entry
- Teenage years (18 and up please) by vaseline.
12328 points, ended March 10, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is bold and brave. Good write.
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thanks!
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I was in High School in 1974. Quite a time in my life. Good work on this poem...how you expressed about life back then. THANKS!
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73 or 75 were good years...74 my wheels were really stuck in the mud!
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they say the first memories we have as children were often BIG events when we are 3 or 4 years old. in 74 i remember being startled by a great uncle tossing a smelly fish at me when we were out as a family fishing off Cape Cod, a few trips to the hospital and a nurse that looked like a witch (well, she looked like that as I got older too).
such poems bring us back to the things that caught our eye for good or not so good reasons. either way the context leaves us reflecting on our own experiences - and for that, this is wonderful.
Kim
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i've swept dust and ashes and cinders
i never want to see again
you know, sometimes you need to face your demons
i wont give you any parental blabla, im sure you can figure it out yourself
i think there is all a year in our lives we still never figure out how we managed to slip through, this captures sweetly and simply the emotion im sure you felt once the new years bells rang. thank you for entering
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Fabulous! I love the way you have intermingled time periods. It definitely gives a more epic feel to the particular year and the struggles described. It's a nice idea to be able sweep certain things under the rug, and keep those memories that are more pleasant. But this idea of conquering the year the memories is one that we all hope to accomplish. This was a real pleasure to read.
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Marvelous write ...
and poignant as well as powerful. Sometimes I think life is a series of vignettes, and our dreams seem to bear that out.
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Merci, a mon tour!
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I can't even remember '74
Nice words, great flow
All the best to you In the contest
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Love your metaphor, your poetry plaits the trials, tests and seemingly unrelenting feelings of being torn into a rope that you swung away on, holding on to the warm loaf, bread, the staff of life, ready to break bread at a new table with a different time table. Perhaps " as" may be superfluous before the phison river, perhaps not,your call dear poet, your journey. I felt the weight of the world on the shoulders and the separation that was necessary from some things but the ache of being separated from what wasn't. The soldier's bible being kept spoke volumes...
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a good poem,which unfolded the vast social context and the peculiar experience from your life,I'm like this.
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Wonderful
Very creative and well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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Wonderful poem. 1974, It was not a good year for me either. Loved how you created some very amazing images of your thought of that time and how you had the Minotaur whipped as you passed into another year. You wrote a great piece here and I congratulate you for it.I wish you the very very best in the contest, my friend.
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the way you eased in the fantasy of minotaur and labyrinth seemed effortless, and brought them to life. this was full of sharp and vivid imagery. i like how the memories unfolded themselves carefully and sloppily. very nicely done, and best wishes in the contest!
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74 was a goor year, but i think 76 was awesome
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74 was low tide for me...75 was awsome!
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it's pretty cool to read a father's words, specially when you thought you knew everything about him.
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I like the metaphor of your life, especially based on the 'bricks that were baked on the banks of the Red River', the connection to earth - but for me bricks are always an elemental combination of earth, water, fire and air.
I like the river becoming 'the river of time' and the analogy of flood. And I love the burning giraffe - even not knowing what the watershed of 1974 was for you.
Best of luck in the contest.
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I like your alchemist's take on bricks! You could build a noble poem on that!
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Smiles...So glad you used a Dali painting for these words, the simple teenage musings of how anxious those years can be and the complex yer clean lines of Dali and what most don't notice in his paintings, well to me...the evolving human spirit C
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Thanks for your thoughts!
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