the artist drank the dying autumn
as a sacrament to his trade
while his oil paints bled stigmas
upon the white canvas.
Author notes
f i l m n o i r
Okay people. There's nothing here to see. Everybody move along. -Officer Barbrady
A contest entry
- round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - abecedarian workshop; auditions. (PREWRITES) by dieu..
450 points, ended July 11, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive Criticism
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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i quite like it. it's short and to me, it seems more like an ending.
but i really do like it. it is unique and...i can't really say much more.
it's beautiful ♥ -
yes. but I would suggest entering something a bit longer for the next rounds.
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yes- its a little too short though
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sorry, no.
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vry good
thanks for the recap in my owe pen. Lessons of old. that go untold . Great pen the with so few words you hit it out of the park. tks again..Don
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Imagery and innovation at its best!! I have realised that sometimes words are more expressive when its a smaller write because it brings out a picture that people are free to interpret! A treat to my eyes!
~pri
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again i dont know how some can write something so live and deep in just 4 lines. that is amazing and i dont care what nobody say. that takes skills and talent
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I love this write!! I love writes that can capture feelings is suck small packages.. I find anyone can show emotion is 40 lines.. but in 4 is something in its self!!
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okay I gotta admit it. You got me. I kept waiting for the picture to down load. Then I stolled down to your AN... the went Duh.
Good write. Thanks for sharing this. -
Very beautiful imagery with just a few words. Great write you have here, keep it up! I absolutely loved the last two lines.
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Man, you are on a freaking roll ... keep goin'!!!!
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very well done aly. while his oil paints bled stigmas
upon the white canvas.
i loved this line!
you do really well with short pieces as well as the longer ones.
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What brevity! How it held such perfect and unique images, I really enjoyed this piece. Best to you... moving on now
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short and sweet and very unique. Nice flow of wods, that it has a smooth texture. You have a way of words to write shot and sweet. I am unable to.
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Your author note makes me laugh.
You have a way with words where imagery and pictures just .. bleed from the page when you read. It doesn't matter how few words you use. I don't like this as much as the last one you posted, but I don't like comparing a poets work to their other work, each poem is from a different inspiration and should be looked upon a fresh, with that in mind i do like it, (just liked sunset better ) haha nah, its good. Your muse will be fully sloshed soon and you'll have your longer poems back.
Laura
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