another poem just for you.

I'm drowing in my on tears.
mixed emotions of hate love, regret, despair ,lust of blood and death live with me,in my head and heart.
I'm holding on to a dream that won't come true.
cortney..this poem is for you.no longer is there a we.
you took the key to your heart back.
and lost mine somewhere along the way.
I'm not sure if its right to say you turned out to be exactly what you promised you wouldn't be.
I feel guilty for your not loving me. in fact it has to be my fault or else you'd still be mi amor.
once more somehow its my fault. maybe I'm not pretty enough
maybe my personality lacks life
I'm just a nobody who doesn't deserve your love. su corazon, girl to be in your arms.
but oh God you realize not how much I truly deeply love you. I want to give you the world and so much more. my life id give for yours. I'm trying to survive but this..its just much to hard to live this life with you not here at my side.
to hear you say "she's my girl" would kill me even more.
because you'd be talking about her, not me. its her that you'll be putting heart shaped hickies on, not me.
I'm now only the friend.
I don't know if I should smile now because were friends and you're happy, that is better than nothing at all or cry because I once expressed my true love for you to you and friends is all we will ever be now and I'm sadly dying inside because she's the one who makes you smile now.. no longer me.
I know these fake smiles and soft giggles I give you won't work every time.
soon you'll see if not already that I'm not who I was when I was with you. all the leftover dreams I did have are now lost with all the others. if you only knew how I cut away at my body. if you could see the puffiness of my eyes under this eyeliner if you could look within my body and peer at my heart you would see that it beats.slow. its bleeding broke and black. its on life support. and sooner or later ill pull the plug end it all BUT
if anything else I want to be remembered as the girl who always forced a smile just for you even though her heart still aches from the broken and the girl who could brighten your day and give you happiness by letting you go even though she couldn't brighten her on and create her own happiness without you. I won't promise anything because to many broken promises already linger in the atmosphere.but ill try........I won't cry anymore because it