Uninvited shadows, demanding darkness
Eyes revolve amongst the box
Corners of entrapment sitting alone
The pain melts within my flesh
The silence dominates every inch
As the emptiness devours my soul
Mind frozen as it’s engulfed by solid space
Tears drown my heart with pain
The wailing from deep within unheard
As empty words echoing the walls
Torment peers over my shoulders
Inflicting scars of deep loneliness
Reminding me of the eternal darkness
Never to release the burning anguish
Slowly the phobia takes my life
As it breathes my last breath for me
Making the box come to life
Waiting for its next depressed victim
Uninvited shadows, demanding darkness
Eyes revolve amongst the box
Author notes
Photo By buddymaxx50 on Flickr
A contest entry
- Trapped! by darell.
1150 points, ended February 7, 2009, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Bandit Appreciation!
Thank you for entering this poem into the Bandit Reading List
your participation is appreciated!
The Poetic Bandits
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I felt every word, every emotional response was spilling through me when I read this. This was very captivating and attention holding. Especially when I got to the phobia part of the write, that hit me hard.
Good job on the silver, well deserving of it.
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Deep
This was a gripping piece that held
you like a thriller. The images were
so real to life. Your words compliment
the picture you used brilliantly.
I felt the intensity and drama of this
well written write. Excellent job!
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Bandit Reading List
I couldn't imagine having such an irratonal fear like clautrophobia. Fears come from anything for whatever reason. With help, they can be defeated. Thank for for sharing your poetry. -
This is an emotional downward spiraling write without any hope present. You have captured the sense of the word prompt well. Well done!
Acouple things you ought to check, the last line in the second stanza you use the word devourers, I think the word devours might work better. Next, the second word in the fourth stanza, pier, might be replaced with the word peer, just my humble opinion.
Brother Dennis
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I feel the pain you write with words. Excellent
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Bandits Reading List ~
Startling first and ending two lines
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I got a sense of being trapped as I read this; the picture combined with your words is powerful and darkly rich
Best of Luck
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Outstanding
This is a dark and haunting poem full of rich imagery thats speaks of sadness. I liked your choice of language and the imagery was very intense throughout and added to the effect of the poem. This is an emotional and moving poem.
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The Poet Bandits
A very dark depressing poem well written with some undoubted imagery and good flow left me with a feeling of claustraphobic negativity,very effective
in what it set out to achive.... George...
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The Poetic Bandits
The words made me feel claustrophobic and I felt as thought everything was closing in.
Dark, effective and brilliant imagery
Shari
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I liked the utter breathlessness and feeling of entrapment that tied together the poem. When struck me first was the feeling of being trapped and then from reading the second last verse it all became clear. I think that you have expressed the sensations and thoughts associated with the topic very well. Cheers
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It is quite dark, It drew me in, enough to feel the entrapment and surprised me with the ending.
I think you mean souls for (soles) line eight.
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This was excellent my sister..!!! I felt the confinement you were describing in your words. Very deep and intense.
Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman
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