the leaves fell off the trees in one windstorm
an exodus of fiery hues
scattered to mould
back to earthen tones
the sky is a deep, blanket of gray
the sun has shunned those who crave warmth
the light is not ours
my colours are cold
borrowed from clouds
not tricked by snowy twilight
after dark
the house is so quiet, except for the ticking of the clock
rhythmic comfort in a digital world
that could change to anxious seconds counted
without warning reminder
of the mournful passage of time
sometimes my mind goes ninety to nothing
too much gathered
politicians, executives, activists
adolescent anxieties and calendar complexities
give way
i want a week full of Fridays
the mindrush might settle
thought paths clear
Author notes
written in december from a workshopping exercise in the slush group...
contains lines from members of the group... when i find some time to go back and figure out what was whose i'll try to remember to let you know
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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nicely done
yay to you and all the rest
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Nicely done, though I don't know the rules or what's borrowed versus sprung forth. You've worked a flowing and transition. I want a week full of Saturdays, mindmush in kettle, clear paths thought.
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Just out of interest, the first line in each section is by one of the workshop group members, as is the title. The last one (week full of fridays) is mine as are all the in between lines.. mindmush is good sometimes
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ugh.. i missed this well... till now
I love how you put this one together
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I enjoyed the calm nature of this piece, a stillness. Although amid this silence there is also a rhapsody of noise, a notion that can be felt resounding through.
The idea of a week full of Fridays is something I think we all need in this world. There is often so much going on in our lives that we forget to live. It merely becomes an endless series of tasks, like a hamster on a wheel, we spin and spin until we fall down.
That is one of the losses of modern life, existence- a free will to be an exuberant mess.
My only real critique is that I'm not fond of similiar sounding words used close together, it's a leftover effect from being exposed to many of the "i hate myself, i want die, i wish so much that i could cry" poetry that litters AP these days.
So this line irks me a little:
"adolescent anxieties and calendar complexities"
But it's only a personal preference, but I'm sure you understand that anyways.
Lovely work. It' been a long time since I read your writing. I'll have to keep up-to-date from now on.
- Kenneth
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I think for (more the poet than others) that so much really does have to do with the season. As those damn days fly by and we watch the passing of so many things that we know will not come back that we want (or come back that we don't want) that we reflect on them all the more as the words swim through our thoughts and try to find the perfect description in poem-form. I think you did quite a bit of that just here - more than I could have, that's for sure.
There is a lot in this poem to like and the poem as a whole to love the imagery that blankets us in this season. This is creative and a great end result of the exercise that the group worked on.
So much to like in the "real-ness" of this.
Kim
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is that you in the picture?
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the pic beside my comments? yeah... where ya been?
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i honestly can feel this ... i purposely refuse to own a clock that ticks, will not allow my house to be quiet, silence has always been my greatest adversary ... the fucker never stops laughing ...
great write ...
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hmmm ... Tara Wilson is cute ...
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yeah she is...
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thanks, Jan...lol.
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i can hear everything said about me on this site..hahaha
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well written, enjoyed & can relate, esp. to the Fridays..lol....
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...you mean you want a week full of free fridays
nice poem except maybe the blasphemous word politicians
btw
do you know you write poetry only when your mind goes nothing? in that void you forget conventional phrasing and word associative spooning
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i love this too...
al
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oh I love this..
I like how you write the digital world, too.
I can feel the coolness of it - the sterile feel of it. Does that make sense?
Life moves too fast when we don't want it to, and too slow when we don't want it to.. I like it when you get enough down time to write/post something
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