silence sits between the two of us
like a fat lady waiting
for the bus---
parenthetically expressant
with knees spread open
irrefutably placing claim
to every inch of territory
should one ask
or do we talk around?
perhaps about the Phillies game
or better yet
the town
so it is we fidget on the ends of benches
pretending
we are nobody
Author notes
this is vaguely similar to a poem that I wrote on silence
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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SO enjoy the image of silence, broad and brooding, maybe panting from recent efforts at keeping up with bus schedules! Your close is devestating, in a wonderful way, illustrating the distance and estrangement of the wedge of silence, even when there is familiarity.
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Free Style ...
verse, that shares in this observant way - the thoughts, seems to capture my attention and encourage thought to imagine the scene. I liked your poem and the style in which you shared.
j
y
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A sense of deja vue about this piece but wether due to the similarities with another poem or with the situation you describe.
Many, many people must have been in a similar situation and politeness or embarassment causes us to take no action.
Well captured.
Jim
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i think this version pales in comparison to the other one on silence. where is that one? i browsed thru your poems to compare and couldn't find it again. did you replace it?
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How true... I know those feelings sitting on a bus... It does great if you are people watching, love to do that! Makes some great writing!
Love this...
Best of luck in this contest!
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I hope that I will get a comment about the poem itself. Also, I wonder if "luck" really has a place in a poem critique or in any of the poems on AP. I do, however, very much appreciate knowing that people have taken time to read what I write. Blessings on all.
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Very good!
Sometimes, I find that public transportation can be great for writing; observing people, maybe eavesdropping, lol.
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