On the cold silver seats
of the Delhi Metro,
(reserved for women
and senior citizens)
our comfort is rude.
You giggle at the futility
of the sophisticated bi-lingual woman
lecturing the crowd
on morals and precautions.
I stare at my knee,
where you've written your name
somewhere, with your finger.
Observing silence,
as if sitting in some stern library,
we read each others faces,
trying to catch the metaphor
in contradictory verses.
The train whistles a happy song,
runs like a baton
relayed by one station to another;
and we count the laps
for the finish line.
A contest entry
- Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Fair dreams attend thee, poet! Ahoy! May I perish if a finer, more grand poem I ‘ave read this day. ‘Ere our ways divide, me course is run n’ I thank thee. A curse out of Egypt on any clod-like fool who dis’respecks this ‘n ye.
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I love the visuals I get while reading this. It is very easy to catch the feel and even the motion of the public transportation. Glad I stopped by to read it.
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i remember a certain few metro rides
aww! i am all nostalgic now, kiddo!!!
*sob*
i WANT a MEtrO ride NOWWWW!!!
:[
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Thanks for the message, because I actually meant for this to be added to the finalists list and not removed. Just clicked the wrong link.
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No worries, thanks
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I'm just going through a contest I ran on poems on cities' metros, a shame you missed it, especially as this is a system I've recently ridden. A very strong piece, great imagery. But aren't you cheating a little on the final stanza, I thought the circle line hadn't yet been completed? Correct me if I'm wrong, please.
The two things that really struck me about the Delhi metro were its incredible emptiness - I ride the world's busiest system - and it's sprawling expansionism.
Anyway, I'll go back to judging my contest, it's too late to medal you for this, you would have done had you entered and I'm sure you'll do well in this one. UP -
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Thanks for the comments And true, the circle line hasn't been completed, we are only counting the number of stations to go before one of us/both of us can get off and go our own way. And the Delhi Metro is far from empty...quite the contrary rather. After all, mine is the country with the highest population growth, expected to overtake China in a few years
"Our comfort is rude" because the women and senior citizens are having to stand, while we sit.
Hope that clarifies your doubt. Thanks again
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this was a great pleasure to read, your imagery is perfect and subtle all at once.
thanks for sharing!
-Alysha
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Very well written I enjoyed reading this!!!
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This is a very suggestive write and you really got me wondering about the ride. I really like the ending stanza.
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Wow.
I really like this.
I love your vocabulary, especially.
This part was reeeaally great:
"I stare at my knee,
where you've written your name
somewhere, with your finger."
I lovelovelove it.
(:
Great write.
Good luck in that contest. -
three thumbs up!
wounderful reading!
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Very cute. An odd collection of imagery... the first verse implies you're on the train, but then:
You giggle at the futility
of the sophisticated bi-lingual woman
lecturing the crowd
on morals and precautions.
How could a woman lecture on a train? If she could do so, why "morals" in that environment, unless the train was a convenient pickup place or something?! That just seems a strange venue, unless the Delhi Metro is a metaphor for something I can't perceive!
Anyway, the poem is as I said, cute, and it makes one consider more aspects of the words than you had probably envisioned!
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It's the woman making announcements about how women and senior citizens should be seated.
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Ah, OK, I suppose their is some moral content there... I was thinking in terms of marital fidelity, and premarital sex and, well, the bulk of what constitutes morals! Thanks for the 'splainer!
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I liked this very much, especially the 5th stanza. nice job.
*Lea -
Wow, Delhi, My beloved City, the city of Meer and Ghalib, the City of POETS, the city was the Heaven of Poets,
are you from Delhi?
this write was great, but I personally feel that you must revise your work, I can't see it Perfect
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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nice
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I stare at my knee,
where you've written your name
somewhere, with your finger.
loved this stanza.
well written great job!
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Very pretty. This is the type of sentimental love that I do not often see in real life. Perhaps I have tended to run with the wrong crowd. Very well done.
Mike
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what a read you have here! For some reason, the tone of this, just draws so many images in my mind as I was reading, it was like wow... Great job!
Best of luck in this contest!
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