nine year old body

I wake up and see your face
feeling your dry rough fingers all over
sliding and scratching my nine year old body
I see constant reminders
Making it hard to believe its all behind me
your face plastered on the walls
your part of this family
I can't get away
I constantly try to
Again I'm sealed in your grasp
i' can't breathe, its hard to
Did you know what you were doing to me?
you said it also happened to you!
How could you not
its worse then the flu
taking over your body
your mind and heart too!
driving to the brink of insanity
how couldn't you have had a clue
then denying what you did
when i finally had the courage to come clean
playing mind games
I never thought you could be so mean
telling me i was insane
that i must have imagined it
that there had to be something wrong with my brain
but i remember, i know it was real!
i close my eyes and i can still see it!
your mouth coming towards me
shoving your tounge down my throat
the taste of beer on ur lips
holding me down so hard
you were twisting my wrists
your fingers crawling inside me
pushing on through
you see me crying
but it means nothing to you!
you push my head down
harder and harder
you turn me around
it was like murder
you killed my innocence
and now it haunts me!
It haunts this family
you blame me for its distruction
and for a while i believed you
but i learned
it was never me that did it
it was you
But then i think...if you only would have gotten help
after it happened to you
maybe you wouldn't have been so fucked up
and not have done it to me too...