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Rabbit

Repetition of a shallow hope
Wafting softly 'bove the rolling snow

Pensive slumber with the fickle slope

Trees are bending by the river flow

 

Blending inward I succumb to dream

 

 

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • epitome
    August 13

    Edit | Reply

    Good Luck!

    I love this. I like rhyme, but struggle to find poets who can use it without letting it hinder their rhythm or diction, whereas you've used it so naturally. The last line is also very well written, and I think it's a good take on the conventional 'slipping into dream'.

    Can I ask what the title means? I'm intrigued

    Good luck.


  • Lady Michaella
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    wow... i love this...... im so tired right now.. so if a poem can get to me through my drowsiness.. its got to be pretty dam good

    thanks for entering my contest!
    and best of luck!!

    your judge,
    -Lemon Bee-
    xx


  • thejollytinker
    January 24
    Edit | Reply
    Words are yours, man! Didn't waste a single syllable.


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    Your word choice is fantastic. Your imagery also amazing. Only thing I didn't like was the font colour but thats not the poem is it
    Great work here.
    Laura


    • Justin Stone
      January 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks and I know I just qickly pressed submit without giving it much thought but now its fixed


  • Ademon
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    The way you wrote this and spaced everything out completely reminds me of some of my poetry and how I write it, and the last line a solid blow to my mind!

    Blending inward I succumb to dream

    nicely done.

1 - 7 of 7