open your heart dear,
blast your lungs,
sing this song from your head,
there is no rush.
these words I've said are pure and true,
just blush.
this pain that comes,
and the hard title floor that greets it,
and I my awaiting fingers.
I will await for you,
for you never were so still.
I love you,
more than I can ever say,
please don't cry because I'm leaving,
smile and think of me.
this world is but dirt and stone without you,
but our beating hearts can fix this plight.
I will return to you,
I will return to you my love.
Author notes
okay so I don't know about this one... Please, and I mean really help me with this. If something sounds wrong and you have an idea to what you think would sound better pleasee tell me!!! Thanks for reading btw. [:
Do you likeee?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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this world is but dirt and stone without you,
That line was great!
Wow you are an awesome writer!
kudos to you miss kinkykitty lol -
and the hard title floor that greets it
Did you mean the hard tile floor?
This a sad and romantic write, I really don't see much that could be revised.
I love the stanza of
this world is but dirt and stone without you,
but our beating hearts can fix this plight
I will await for you,
Await is something you are doing... Maybe drop the "will" and leave it at "I await you"
The poem is heartfelt in it's entirety, maybe try leaving out some of the 'but' 'and' ect...
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oh whoops didn't see that ;o. And thanks that was really helpful. :]
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the theme is good,the flow is spotted.
I'm lost between the pain that comes and the hard title floor,your awaiting fingers. wait or await -
Interesting. I'm listening to music that pretty much suits this at the same time. Pure and True words rarely are, but they fit in this prose nicely. The world is cold and lonely without someone by your side, its true, but sometimes, just sometimes, the loneliness makes finding that special someone just that much more breathtaking.
I love it *smiles*
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