Men often face misfortune on their way
But some does meet with good luck now and then
We learn of birds their habits to survey
And much we learn by looking at such men.
In studying them a curious thing I've learned
The feeble may sometimes regain their health
But few will see their heart's true love returned.
Much easier will a pauper find great wealth.
Today a man most fort'nate walked passed me
He found that which will often men elude-
his hand accepted uncondition'lly
by a most fair one in a marriage suit.
'Tis well and sweet, but oh, how great the price-
My love for her I have to sacrifice!
Author notes
My first full-fledged English Sonnet. Please be so good as to point out where I digress from the required form!
Written February 17th, 2004
A contest entry
- Sonnets ONLY! by MargaretG.
350 points, ended June 3, 2004, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I am feelin' this man.
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I think I see what Lo Justin is saying about "does meet". You are talking about "men", so the plural "do" is required. I am uncomfortable with your contraction "fort'nate"; it has two strong syllables together. Also in line 12, the emphasis falls on "a" which is far too weak to bear it.
The couplet brings the general observations into the realm of personal pain, excellently done.
Thanks for entering my contest!
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Thanks for the suggestions Lo,
I'm a bit confused here bacause the second line already reads -
"But some does meet with good luck now and then". Maybe I didn't understand you correctly?
I've changed the 12th line as you suggested.
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Hey! Thought I would check one of yours out. I like the poem, very light in subject, clever, and follows the form well. A couple thoughts:
2nd line: does meet might sound better as 'do meet'...shouldn't change syllable count.
12th line: 'most fairest' is redundant. You'd say either 'fairest' or 'most fair' but not both. If you can add an extra syllable somewhere else in the line you can change that and I would say 'Flawless!'
Again, great form, nice subject, and i'm sorry you didn't get the girl.
Thanks for the comment, that was my first Shakespearean sonnet also.
Peace,
Lo
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This is great! Good work!
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enjoyable challenge
i found this poem quite interesting when reading it. i'm glad that you chose the "old-style" poety format for your writing. i'd have to say that for a challenging format that you chose, you'll do fine with practice. good poem, overall (in my opinion.) keep writing
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more mature perhaps?
Brad I didn't get this one completely. I suppose it's the style I'm not used to. But how can you talk in the 1st person of someone else and then suddently of yourself in the end? I expect to be invited 1st if you've met Her, ok... -
You did pretty well for a first try!
The iambic pentameter isn't perfect, but that's a hard thing to get right. The rhyme was very well constructed, and the emotion behind lost love was very well portrayed.
I've written a few sonnets myself one of them forsaking iambic pentameter altogether; it's one of my favorite forms to use. Shakespeare is always a great inspiration to me, and his form gets easier with practice. Great job! -
Very nicely put together. I haven't yet ventured down the sonnet path myself, but this may just inspire me to have a try. Thanks.
Kat -
indeed! your first! i was in your boat. i've only successfully written one. okay, well, i guess i'm still in your boat. haha.
=)
♥- Kat
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