Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Armitage Shanks



Bleach-
(unless his dad had just been in)
the first thing to hit him
whenever he burst in to take that cold, white
ceramic seat.

As he sat and stared
through the darkened diamond
formed by open legs and resting elbows,
there was something there that always caught his eye and imagination.

In intricate blue lettering
the words,
Armitage Shanks.

After years of cockeyed confusion he came to a conclusion.
It must have been a misprint.
The first "s" was meant to be a "t".

But then who was Armitage thanking?
and on the pan of all places.

He found the same problem in the shape of a shampoo bottle.

Aloe Vera.
Hello Vera?
who on earth is Vera?

It always made him think of her from Coronation Street.

Anyway, one hundred wipes (and a heart stopping flush) later
he would turn on the tap
stroke the soap
and slip into a quite delightful daydream.

His mother had bought some Zest.
He loved that word
but not as much as the beautiful yellow bar which framed it.

He always wondered how it would taste.

Lemony, he imagined.

Maybe ice-creamy.

but definitely,

delicious.


In a list

A contest entry

h

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • NurseChilly gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    better than seeing thomas crapper i suppose... or did you know that good schindler from schindler's list film still makes elevators and lifts... yepp
    the world is strange and even stranger things in need of thanks Alex
    yes
    yes
    yes

  • XxLoverOfDarknessxX
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. it was unique in its own way. WOW! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!


  • Dryad Enya
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    It's crazy and seems totaly pointless but dispite this i have a good liking for it and you should be proud, this will far one day though i don't know if it will be today...

    Goodluck and well done
    Gorecki


  • sheltered
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    I see your muse is definitly back and kicking
    and most likely that you found some pretty good weed


  • KillerRain
    February 9

    Edit | Reply

    Good write none the less

    Not quite what I was looking for. You seem to steer away from the loo after a few lines though it is mentioned. Better luck in your next contest. KillerRain


  • ToxicSuicide
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    This poem has made me laugh and smile. Congradulations. I'm sure we all do this, thinking on the pot. But not very many people would actually take the time and admit it in the form of a poem, bravo. Thank you for sharing your work with me and thank you for entering my contest. Best of luck to you!
    ~ToxicSuicide.


  • lindaburns gold member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    He’s just a little mad. Right? And has ‘way too much time on his hands. When you get much of ‘anything’ on your hands, washing them is a good idea. I think this is sort of weird but after a while it got to me.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    February 5

    Edit | Reply
    This should have won Gold and if it doesn't it is still Golden. Made me smile from ear to ear and from there to there lol. Such a neat observational and description of " the darkened diamond" Loved the humour re who would armitage be thanking and yes to aloe vera reminding ooh how's jack lol. NB did you also feel that it was not quite right to disembark from the street stiff and upright, like a dodo, simply so she could be carted away in a taxi, but i digress, extra bonus points for stroking the soap, personal hygiene is worthy of a halo , which is not to be confused with an aloe, lol. Your poem is lemony in itself, it's not taking the pith, just adding the zest in jest lol.


  • HeavensDaughter
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting poem. I really enjoyed exploring the wanderings of thought while sitting.

    Is "quite delightful daydream" supposed to be "quiet delightful daydream"?

    I loved the way you played with the words on the bottles.


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering the contest and good luck


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    January 28
    Edit | Reply
    This is magnificent and truly beautifully portrayed and written!!!!! I love it!!!


  • AbidoodleCullen
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering and good luck!
    <3 Abi


  • aboomer silver member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    Love the uniqueness of this, the subtle hints of humor, the feeling of a bewildered child trying to understand wording on everday objects - and how they happened to get those names.
    I much enjoyed this!

    best wishes in your contest.


  • T Mack Samaha
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    I once drank dishwashing liquid as a kid!! Lemony, I imagined. I imagined wrong!!

    On a more critical note, I struggle with this piece in some places. The rhyme in lines 2 & 3 and then in the middle of 4 put a weird pace to the first stanza. Then line 13 starts out the stanza as a limerick; I keep expecting:

    "After years of confusion He came to the conclusion
    that it must have been a misprint,
    the first "s" was meant to be living in a tent
    knitting sweaters from his own navel lint"

    or some such other ridiculous thing.

    Also it seems to me that lines 9-12 should be a single stanza. It's as though ... you ... are ... building ... suspense ... over ... too ... great ... a ... length ... without ... having ... anything ... to ... warrant ... that ... suspense. The same holds for lines 18-26 & 30-34.

    I think you might've made this too long as the really interesting parts are the second stanza and the final 4 lines. If the poem was cut down to these ideas imho you would have a far more interesting poem.

    I love the second stanza; "stroke the soap"; "lemony" and "ice-creamy"


  • thegirlsafaultline.
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    "He always wondered how it would taste.

    Lemony, he imagined.

    Maybe ice-creamy.

    but definitely,

    delicious."
    lol(:
    Great write.


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    a very interesting write from you. as i am one who picks words apart i was glad to see this. thank you for sharing and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie

  • Bad Bill
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    Great stuff - about time we had more references to things pertaining to this side of the Atlantic. I love it - well done.

    Bill


  • untouched pages
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhh that was different... but in a good way. The flow was very intresting. I really like this style of poetry. Good luck with the contest I hope that you have a winner here.


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this alot. It is very, very well done. I dont read much poetry in this style. It actually reads more like good fictional writing from a novel. And, I do read that.

    Poetry or a vignette from a novel; it doesn't matter. It is well done.

    Mike

1 - 19 of 19