Heroin

Heroin

I
:.:love:.:
my
          heroin;

the bliss of it running through me like
          fire on ice,
fingertips trailing down sensuous skin.

When the high depletes itself of
          Rightful state [when reality hits, the light slants]
My lips displace themselves from a friendly curve up and open
Towards the sky, and, as if anchors weigh the corners down,
Displeasure, like wax, drips from me.
                    I only want to be close to you again.
You see, wanting you is like
          Being addicted to the
  One thing I should never [nevereverever] desire.
You could kill me with one glance.
You could make or break me with a fingertip.
You don’t even have to lift your face, your words [your silence]
Speaks monuments, fills volumes, even after the breath of life has left them.

Sickly, my carousel whirls
          Around these candycane thoughts [sharp and twisted] my
  Sugarplum dreams of you and I [and I—]
          Just can’t take it, break it. [—just cant]
You’re far from a prince, and I’m far from sleeping beauty,
You leave me in a nightmare as I walk and talk throughout the dreary days,
Waterlogged wishes that never meet the stars;
          I just can’t stop myself [stop myself—]
  From wanting [—from you]
You near me, lips inches, in the moments before
          Worlds collide and fingers touch.
You’re the fire and breath that enters my being to
Make me feel real again.

It’s so wrong [you’re so wrong for me]
To want you; [to want to not walk away]
Never before has anything felt so wrong [so beautiful]
Never before has anything seemed so horrible [so electrifying]
Than the pressure of you, the scent that leaves me stunned and searching,
The lips that paralyze and
          The hands that motivate [never before has anything felt so right]
It’s awful, it’s devastating, it’s amazing
The effect you have on me, your
          Charisma like honey, your voice like sweetsugarlies poured down my throat,
And I drink it all [swallow it down and smile]
Wanting to ask for you [wanting you in entirety]
          To pour me another glass of wine, to mix me another drink
                    So I can forget that I’m
Chasing a ghost that flits through empty rooms,
Guarding himself from his empty heart.

The rogue, the Rockstar Romeo, you
Play your part to the t,
          And I, being one of many Juliets on stage, am
Suddenly confused in the turmoil [it wasn’t supposed to be like this]
As I find fresh tears staining my cheeks [I wasn’t supposed to be alone]
Vulnerable, if you’d just let me be
          Vulnerable, if I’d just let myself be
                    Vulnerable, if you’d just let yourself be
                              Vulnerable, maybe we’d get somewhere, maybe I could
Be someone [to you]
If you could only open yourself up like you do to
          Your guitars, maybe you wouldn’t have to feel twice as empty
As I do when I’m gone away [when you’re all alone for the night]

My
  Heroin,
    My
      Musician,
My addiction,
Will you [I] be alone forever?
You’re all rollercoaster and no merry go round,
          You never come full circle, never meet me halfway.
You’re grayscale, nothings ever black and white [you’re all shadows and light]
You’ve got me following you, but when I walk away,
          You come to find me, spin me around, and bring out
All the passion, all the artistic notion, all the hopeless romantic in me.
You’ve got me biting my tongue and standing on the edge of
Your ocean, wondering if this will ever
Mean anything, be anything, or if you’re just the
Complete devastation and total reincarnation of my soul.
[the bliss of it running through me like suicide]