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Say i love you

I look deep in your eyes.
You told me to be truthful
I promise i tried.

I can't help it, when I am around you,
you make me want to be better than me;
to be better than god himself!

Why won't you tell me,
it's okay to be me,
it's okay to look like a freak, to act like a girl?

I love you, I want you to love me too,
but when around you, you make me into a breath of air.
I can't even think around you!

You are truthful and bright.
Compared to me, you are everything.
I want you so bad.

You are perfect for me.
I wish you would tell me you love me,
just once would suffice.

It's all I ask,
just one simple task,
just three little words,
can make my life anew unto you.

Author notes

You've Stolen My Heart

A contest entry

Please dont be too harsh, but be honest in a nice way.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • sophia moonfairy
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    Awe, this is very good. I love this so much. It's very beautiful. I can relate to this very well. I know how it feels to love someone that doesn't love you back. It's hurt and it's heart breaking to your heart. Such powerful emotion. full of love and passion. I like it

    My favorite part was

    "You are perfect for me.
    I wish you would tell me you love me,
    just once would suffice.

    It's all I ask,
    just one simple task,
    just three little words,
    can make my life anew unto you."

    Thanks so much for entering. Good luck


  • DelaneyDisaster
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    Very good. Thank you so much for adding the option. {it's okay, a lot of people didn't, i'm just too nice to dq ) This is really good, and it was something i was looking for. It gave me that feel i wanted. Thank you so much and good luck.


  • DelaneyDisaster
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    could you tell me the option used, please?


    • blood.stained.tears
      March 1
      Edit | Reply
      b 2- A girl/guy who fall in love with their best friend, but he/she doesn't love them back.
      (Sorry!!! forgot )

  • MarkReeves
    February 4

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    Good luck in the contest. I don't want to do constructive criticism until after the contest. Thank you for entering.

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    January 26
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your heartfelt entry, good luck in my contest, Josie


  • creationsfromheart
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    OK I am going to be honest, this is a write that appears to be written of what you, I would suggest using some caps. and a comma in it's a period at the end of each stanza if going to break it like it is and left aligned would be a better read for this type of write, when you see a greeting card those are centered...
    I do read your wants here , yet I do not feel the pain of why you want it so badly, I do no know them, try and incorporate all your reasoning look at it telling a short story in poetry and leave me with feeling your pain and knowing why he is worthy of love. because from this I see a young girl, that has a big crush on someone, that does not return the love... and well I do not feel the pain there... But in all you are a good writer and you can only get better!

1 - 7 of 7