Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Soul's Poverty Erased

I’ve searched,
broken remnants of dreams
under my feet.
Dark, hollow tunnels,
where i've run my fingers
bloody, against charred walls.
Tripping over stale hopes, raw fears
and corroded wishes.
Til there was a light,
fluorescent, beaming
straight into my emerald eyes.
I trampled over fallen stars,
and twisted planetary bodies.
My feet torn and fractured,
just to get to this gleam of hope.
As I made my way,
I encountered a wave of ecstasy,
in the form of you.
Gleaming and bold, you embodied
the form of my wildest dreams.
Black waves of curls atop
your head.
Brownish-green, piercing eyes,
captivated my senses.
I tripped at the sight of you,
glowing and brilliant,
til you reached out your strong hand.
I grasped it with what little power I had.
You took hold, crazed and powerful,
love and lust emanating from your soul.
I quivered, unsure, afraid,
of what I was becoming.
Streams of light burst through my being,
entering streams of consciousness left broken.
I slowly, surely became whole.
We embraced in a slow, lustful dance,
entrancing whispers in my ear you gave.
Our final act of love was formed,
and you brought me to life.
Whole,
dreams met and soul’s poverty erased forever.

Author notes

written for my love...forever. I wrote this because I have been through so much hell with life and relationships and it seemed that I would never find true love. Turns out I did but I had to go through alot to find it.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Symphony
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa, this began so dark, so lost, so lonely - I like how you wove the words to bring in a feeling of hope, and such great honesty within it - that ending sounded much better than the opening.

    Thanks for entering


  • Umi Juvariel
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    This was a beautiful piece with a nice abstract feel. I loved the theme you chose, and how you were humble in the message you brought. It is true that to get to the real love, you have to go through a lot. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.


  • lyricist
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    this is good, so good i could just recap your whole poem. this is really good. i dont even know what else to say


  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    January 24

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your beautifully spoken entry, good luck in my contest, Josie

  • bookworm987
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    loved the storytelling and the imagery. very rich poem, full of deep thoughts and good vocabulary. keep writing.

    [Liz<3]


  • SaraMaria
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    loved the imagery in this poem, there is so much of it!! It held my attention from beginning to end, a nice read.

  • Roxydoxy
    January 22

    Edit | Reply

    real potential

    I enjoyed this poem greatly, it captures my imagination. What I did think is that on occasion it felt more prose like, slightly laboured. The start was super, the rewrite should look to maintain that standard. Hope this helps, was glad I visited.


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my, there is so much imagery in this poem, and the language used is wonderful. Your description in this poem was so amazing, i really am sitting here in awe. I can't pick a favourite part, it was all... amazing. A beautiful dedication to someone you love. A truly wonderful write.
    Laura

    • couldbeworse
      January 22
      Edit | Reply
      thanks sis for your wonderful comment...as usual. i thought it was a bit long but glad you hung in there to read it.


  • Aesthete
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    ... I'm speechless. that was so vivid. a great love poem if there ever was one.
    and that last line! stunning. I'm jealous

    the whole thing was just so visual and i love the images of the dark tunnel

    Dark, hollow tunnels,

    where i've run my fingers
    bloody, against charred walls.

    (those two lines were my favorite
    with the exception of the last line.)

    Tripping over stale hopes, raw fears
    and corroded wishes.
    Til there was a light,
    fluorescent, beaming
    straight into my emerald eyes.

    i just identified with that so completely, just wandering through life, disenchanted and trapped and whatever.

    amazing style you got.

    • couldbeworse
      January 22
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much for your comment and for reading. I know its kinda long but you hung in there. Your kind words are very much appreciated...and no need to be jealous as you said...you got mad style yourself!

1 - 14 of 14