Stan loved to hit his daughter
he enjoyed the pain that flashed across
her emerald eyes when he slapped her face,
he loved the sound of her voice
when she begged and pleaded for him to stop
his wrinkled face split into a smile
when he made her bleed from her lips
his laughter echoed in the quiet house
as he watched her limp into her room
he gulped down his cold beer
Freezing his heart over again.
x x x
Lisa wore her favorite sweat shirt today
it kept her bruises well hidden
another excuse lay at the tip of her tongue
and the truth was pushed back along with the tears.
her throat hurt from screaming
her mind was numb
her body ached
and her breathing was labored.
Flashes of his contorted face filled her head
his angry words looped continuously in her ears
like a song on repeat; but this was a sad song
that she could only hear until she was willingly
to share her headphones with some-one else.
Limping past her father on her way to school
she saw how her night would be played out
as her father drank another bottle beer.
Author notes
A contest entry
- [Contest] Wake up to Abuse - Prewrites Welcome by Miss Faerie.
700 points, ended February 8, 56 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold I by Salty Hibiscus.
400 points, ended February 19, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the audition round. by stargazer..
800 points, ended May 21, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tough Times by borrowing.moonlight.
1100 points, ended June 17, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow. Well, i'm sorry if this is a personal experience. But if it's not, then good creativity. Either way, it's well written. I actually think you could have been a little more descriptive. I thought it ended a little too abruptly, and you could have used some metaphors (maybe it's just me, but here's my opinion). I just think it could have been enhanced if you maybe spent a little more time wording it, and drawing it out a little. Still, it's a good poem. (Sorry if I was too critical) Good job, and keep writing.
Thanks for entering my contest -
Originality: (9/10)
Emotion: (8/10)
Poetic devices: (14/20)
Structure/flow: (7/10)
Cohension: (7/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (7/10)
Syntax: (7/10)
Diction: (8/10)
Total:75/100
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wow...he was a terrible father figure in her life. wonderful write. thank you for sharing.
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Wow. This was different.
The insight into his mind about how he enjoys to cause the pain is effective. I did that once, about the man that raped me and perhaps it helped a little.
I'm so sorry you suffer and wish there was someone to help you..
Shari
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Amazing
I loved this flow of words. It's sad, but brings a brutal truth to the subject of abuse. Amazing write, great job.
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loved this, it speaks truth on every aspect of the subject, and very sad but it gets through to you.
keep the good work flowing
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thank you
xxx
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thanks guys
xoxoxoxox -
The emotion is so real. Its sad because that could really happen to somebody. your a really good poet.....keep writing.
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how sad brutality really is in every day life, this is a great poem despite how sad it is!
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