and with only seven days left, how do you spend the rest of your life?
i.
running until my chest caves inwards and no amount of inhale exhale motions can repay the oxygen debt. tears fall down to the mud which is splattered across my knees where i've fallen on my heart too many times today.
this is a wasted day; how many days have i previously wasted?
don't take life for granted, it's gone before your eyes.
ii.
today is the day i'll conquer the world, i'll tell him, bring his walls crashing down and yet, i'll smile and try not to let crystals fall from the stars, he needs me to be strong.
he needs me to tell him that it will be okie, so i'll lie
and squeeze his hand. [i don't want to be left behind.]
i want to mesh with you, pull your hips closer to mine, hold me until our hearts become heart and i can hear your heartbeat crashing in my ears.
[you promised you'd never let go but we never expected this]
iii.
we'll get a train and a bus and another bus and walk for three miles until we reach a beach, i don't care that it's January and the water is below freezing, i want to be happy[i want to be numb.]
sandcastles will topple over and stars will paint polka dots on the ocean at night once the clouds have all gone to shield the sun, the moon has never looked so terrifying.
i don't want to go to sleep,
what if i don't wake up?
iv.
bungee jumping and theme park rides, parachuting from planes whilst falling from the stars, my hearts never been emptier, i'm too fragile for the thrill.
--
cups of orange juice with odd shaped ice cubes floating are all i can remember before one two three four more anti-biotics and looks of distress as he attempts to eat cheeseburgers and thick slabs of fried potatoes, he's reaching for my hand
and i'm choking on stars in my throat.
v.
i refuse to sleep;
'you need to sleep, you need it' he talks at me repeatedly,
'what, and lose sixteen more hours with you?'
and i'm running again, running from everything, he's chasing me, but i'm running from room to room and he can't keep up until i'm hiding underneath the duvets in his bedroom,
as he lays next to me, i realise how much closer i need him.
pulling at cloth and fear mixing with adrenaline, i need to remember things like this,
memories are the only thing that you can carry with you always.
vi.
tomorrow.
i lay watching him sleep where we collapsed awkwardly, three hours he's been sleeping.
taking his dressing gown, i stumble down the stairs [i never was any good at stairs, the amount of times i've fallen down his is ridiculous] and i fall into the kitchen, ice cubes pressed against my skin makes me doubt making any decisions in this state. ignoring it, as i always have, i pull out frying pans, flour and eggs, sugar and lemon are absent [again] so i'll just have to use jam or something--
waking him with kisses and the crashing of glasses and plates on a wooden tray, i pull a pressed daisy from my notebook,
'remember me always' and he smiles, 'you're not going anywhere'
'we might not have that choice anymore'
vii.
and with not even twenty four hours guaranteed, how do you spend the rest of your life?
five am; my heart is wanting to keep beating just for him, but the rest of my body has given up on me already.
i'm grasping at oxygen, but i'm constantly deficient and my inhaler just doesn't have the same effect as it used to.
--
eleven am; he helps me into a dress, and holds my hand, i've brushed my hair and i'm wishing on every star that he'll be okie.
--
three pm; we're having a picnic under his sheets with the soundtrack from moulin rouge playing in the background, 'spectacular spectacular' he really is.
--
five, sixteen pm; twelve hours and sixteen minutes since my body first started saying goodbye to me, twelve minutes since my heart realised it was nearly time to go--
stars and broken feathers are dancing in front of my eyes whilst the floor falls from underneath me, and whilst he catches me, i feel weaker and more alone than ever.
i'm not ready to say goodbye.
and flashing lights and speeding sirens surround me, but i already know it's futile;
he's searching for some kind of light in my eyes, but i can only guarantee that there's no recovering from this, 'please don't let go of my hand' he sobs into my shoulder,
and i cough up the stars that have been choking me for days, 'i love you'
'i love you, i love you so fucking much, don't let go'
but i can't help it.
Author notes
kiss the girl--x 
i know its a bit rubbishy but i kinda like it.
i know it's mega long but i don't mind the length so much..
♥
A contest entry
- the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
♥
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Gosh, Your writing nhe.
Absolutely fabulous.
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This is....
It is alive.
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it took seven days to read!
When we face the end of our lives, many things come to mind. What is most important to some is meaningless to others. I would want to do things I have always put off, but would probably spend it with the family. You have a lot of great ideas, I hope you never get to use them for the reason you wrote this! Great write even if I used 5 of my 7 days to read it! LOL The Shaker
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This made me cry.
I don't really have a comment prepared to give you, either, but as far as emotion, I think you'll fit well in the contest. I couldn't help but think of my grandfather when I read this. It's weird sometimes when you read something and it takes you back to a place that you had completely forgotten existed.
Anyway, there were some weird flowing parts in this, a bit lengthy, but I liked it nonetheless.
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yes.
thanks for entering. -
yes.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
I found this poem through the contest you are hosting, wanted to write something on this prompt, but you have done it so beautifully here. I am taken aback and breathless. I love the stars in the throat imagery.
*Phoebe
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this is really good
This is a really good write good job with this, you could feel an emotion, this isn't rubbish good job great write
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*beautiful n grasping*
i loved it!
Keep it up! =) -
can i just say i hate you with a passion..
this was just so sad..and it made me cry and lately i'm not too fond of crying. but what took the cake was the very last stanza. though half way through this i broke down anyway.
i think its because it reminded me of the things he used to say and blah...it just hurt me. alot... but it still made me feel things. and i haven't felt anything in a while... ^_^ this is amazing
good luck in the contest.
♥
dani -
i loved this, and thats hard for me to say since i perfer rhym
lved it and cried@ -
It's beautiful and sad baby.
It's just little moments you describe that make this poem unique and yours and so personal. Ashley? Right? I'm so happy you found his love.
Everything will be alright.
You're never more alive then the moment before you die.
iloveyou
like glitter&&glue
♥
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I liked this piece.
I felt like some places had strange flow and it was a bit long for my attention span, but there were some very pretty/poignant images in there.
I'm interested to see what you could do with a prompt/line limit
thanks for entering! -
This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
That being said, I really liked this.
I really didn't like the usage of "okie" in this poem...It lost some of the depth and stopped the flow, a bit, in my opinion. Also, I think improving your line breaking and grammar in this particular piece could've made it even stronger.
Though this was long, I definatly felt the emotion in every stanza.
I loved the subject you chose, one hard to write, I'm sure.
I really liked this, overall.
Well done, I'll be back.
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I love this. It was long, but each part was intense and emotional enough (and creative) that the length wasn't any problem. I loved the way it was written, with 'snapshots' of the scene and your feelings. Loved the descriptions--this piece is absolutely beautiful. Part iii was probably my fav, but every part of this poem spoke to me. Well penned, this is an amazing write.
~HH
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i love the first line. everything seems summed up in that one line.
(i) is beauitfully anxious, running from the truth.
(ii) the last line was tortured. like a million tears crashing from the clouds. and i loved it.
(iii) wasted time hurts. and it shows in the last two lines.
(iv) I'm chocking on stars in my throats. sweet in the most creulest of ways.
(v) memories can hurt more then reality.
(vi) like bullets hitting my eyes. my tears are falling now.
(vii) bur i can't help it.
\
guess what?
i don't mind the length; i praise the length. this is amazing. everything i have ever read before has just faded into the background of this poem. it's everything i wish i would write.
it is impossibly brilliant.
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Your poem hit my heart with such an impact i doubt i can do it justice by putting words to the feelings. This is exactly how I felt when my doctor told me there was something fatally wrong with my liver, she just didn't know what it was. That was in late November. This is such a wonderful write, you captured the emotions and brought them to life with your words. It made me cry.
i want to mesh with you, pull your hips closer to mine, hold me until our hearts become heart and i can hear your heartbeat crashing in my ears.
[you promised you'd never let go but we never expected this]
That was one of my most favorite parts of the poem. I dont think its at all rubberish, and the length is what makes it all so much more sincere and personal. Thanks for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
Peace and Love,
B
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It's not rubbish. Not at all.
Wow. This poem touched me.. a lot. And the metaphor of choking on stars throughout was brilliant. Well all of this was brilliant.
It almost made me cry, actually.
Amazing.
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I love this poem, it is so sad and yet so sweet. I normally pick one thing about a poem/story and let the writer know what that part is. But in yours I cant just pick one thing because it is amazing! One of the best poems I have read in a long time. I love this! Anyway great write and good luck in the contest!
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