I fall, i stuggle, i reach,
But it is too late,
The floor is drawing near,
The roof top escaping from my finger tips,
It's no use, i've gone to far.
I let go, i gave up,
I ran out of options,
But a sensation, a sensation i have never know,
The feeling of freedom,
I'm flying, as i plummet towards the unforgiving ground.
The safety of the earth,
Now being used against me,
When i hit the concrete what will my fate be?
Live? die? it is out of my hands now.
From up on the roof top,
The word below appeared so small,
So harmless, tiny, like a child fresh out of a mothers womb.
But as earth approches, it no longer resembles such mercy.
With this new found freedom,
As i fly through the air,
Feel like an angel, a bird, embrasing its life,
And i laugh at the fearful faces below.
Here, in the sky, falling through the air,
This is where i belong.
But as speed picks up rapidly,
I fall quicker, i lose control.
As the ground collids with my broken flesh,
Do i live, do i die?
The fate out of my domination
Has made its decision, a decision i had always longed for.
I have fallen to my death.
A contest entry
- Falling (Picture Prompt) by LovelyTraces.
2500 points, ended February 4, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What You Want by fairytalelovestory.
725 points, ended January 22, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Year. by alexandra..
900 points, ended February 17, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I hope this doesnt trigger anything for any one. Please leave me a comment, good, bad, what ever you feel. Just please be a little sensative as they are all true stories about my life so far x
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Unique
The structure and form of this piece is unique and well executed. A job well done fellow poet.
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A poem with a fresh theme.
The following stanza has the unique imagery:
"From up on the roof top
The world below appeared so small,
So harmless, tiny, like a child fresh out of a mother's womb
But as earth approaches, it no longer resembles mercy."
The poem needs proofreading. (to far= too far, i= I, have never know= have never known, word= world, mothers womb= mother's womb, collids= collides, etc.)
The poem is a highly fascinating piece.
Rahi
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Sad
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I liked the poem. The word choice is good. I dont have anything bad to say maybe just follow more
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I reallyt liked this one! It did not really trigger anything for me, but it was great nevertheless. I love your word choices here. Brilliant!Q Thanks for the share!
Best wishes. -
Oh, I was hoping you would leave us in suspense as to the outcome! I really liked this poem. I don't think most people contemplate the thoughts that can go through your head in those last few seconds of life. I thought this was a really good line: "Live? die? it is out of my hands now." Kind of ironic, since the point of suicide is to take matters into your own hands for the final time. But there are only a few methods that are fool-proof, right? Great poem.
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this reminds me of that comedy stage act i saw today where the guy plummented to his death because his bungy cord was 70 feet to long! I'm sorry I understand the gester of your story but i can help seeing that in my mind thud...
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Left Me Speachless
WOW
You had an AMAZING take on the prompt.
this was absolutely brilliant! How you mixed the emotions to make the reader feel surprised yet wondering and then anxious yet scared, it was brilliant!
Best of luck in the contest.
oh!
you put "stuggle" instead of "struggle" in the first line
Keep writing, you're really good.
Annie Shadows
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=D love it!
x x x -
Wow. So powerful.
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This was breathtaking.
Honestly, this is exactly the kind of poem that i like. You hit it square on the head. I can't even pick out a favorite part for this one.
I like how you made me feel peaceful, and then, at the same time, nervous and anxious. This was a great piece.
I do need to point out a few tiny errors, though:
in the first paragraph: "to far" should be "too far"
in the second paragraph: "know" should be "known"
in the fourth paragraph: "word" should be "world", and "approches" should be "approaches" (I do believe this was my favorite paragraph! i happen to love the simile of the earth and the child)
and finally, in the seventh paragraph: "collids" should be "collides"
Like i said, those are just tiny errors, nothing to fret about. This was truly a great poem! Great job, and good luck in my contest!
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thanks so much for the comment babe. sorry about the mistakes im dyslexic so cant spell for shit lol.
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oh shit. i'm sorry..i didn't know. lol. well..yah..er..wow. my bad. great job though! (XD)
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haha lol dont worry it good to have them pointed out so i know where i go wrong
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A mazing but sad and depressing. It was good but makes me worry about you more and more.
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