Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Fortress of Comfort

Fortress of comfort
built unknowingly
behind walls of fearing stone.
Romanced into cemented  fantasy
it takes hold.

Withdrawn;
Compartmentalized; safety zones.
Boxed and tied
In ropes not twine.
Yellow caution taped desire.

Chains and bolts in
Armor clad clothes
hard hat accessories.
Safety first with
no outside amenities,
only the metal necessities.

The detector at the door
Alerts the leaving
Signaling in sharp tones
Disallowing and deceiving
Step back behind the wall, please.

Author notes

Contest

A contest entry

Constructive criticism welcomed and appreciated

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Danna Hobart
    January 23
    Edit | Reply
    I like your take on the prompt, and that last line amuses me. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    Do walls of "fearing stone"
    bar freedom from entering,
    from letting it run freely
    between the cracks?
    I see it flowing freely,
    for if not, I would feel trapped.
    for comfort is a state of mind.

    Well conceived and executed, Pix,
    to challenge the inquiring mind...

    Aes



    • pixiestix gold member
      January 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Aes.

      The freedom is there in existence, but from the point of view I wrote this, it would be shackled by the fears. I've seen how people can do this to themselves.


  • Yemassee gold member
    January 21

    Edit | Reply
    The first sentence is interesting (and no, I really mean interesting, it's not a Yemism.) It's interesting because of the seeming contradiction...fortress and comfort. But of course that is what we do, we build there wall where we feel safe and never venture out...and true enough, often they become biult when we don't even realize it, that is the comfort zone.

    "Romanced into cemented fantasy"

    I played that little game recently. I took and earnest desire and built a nice little spire for it, all the while never giving thought to the obvious reality...fortunately someone wiser than me stopped me before I made a disaster out of the situation.

    But back to your premise of hiding ourselves away in fantasy:

    "Yellow cation taped desire"

    I like that.

    The stanza that begins, "Chains and bolts in..." I like because it again reinforces the notion of protecting oneself from real experiences...thus only maintaining those "metal necessities" that we wall ourselves up with...Step

    "back behind the wall, please."

    Yes, it's hard to leave one we are comfortable with the walls, I know this box very well.

    Would we drive each other nuts if we were both locked within that same fortress?


    • pixiestix gold member
      January 21

      Edit | Reply
      I started off thinking how fears trap people and let it ride from there. People imprison themselves in fear and rationalize it into comfort. The fear weighs them down like armor. They are locked away inside with a false sense of security.

      You would keep rearranging the furniture. That would drive me nuts

      • Yemassee gold member
        January 21
        Edit | Reply
        Very good poem btw, I mean I liked it quite a bit.

      • Yemassee gold member
        January 21
        Edit | Reply
        I'd keep making the furniture disappear, then reappear.


        • pixiestix gold member
          January 21
          Edit | Reply
          Yes, you are magical like that. Now you see it, now you don't. Wait a minute...now where did I put it? What am I looking for?

1 - 9 of 9