i.
all i remember is spending summer nights in shopping carts when the fireflies guided us (i think i screamed the first time i saw a firefly and you just chuckled). that’s how we were. you always showed me new things, and i usually screamed or did something equally embarrassing like that time in july when i completely fell off of my chair in a restaurant.
ii.
i remember the month of august. you spent it tying musical notes together with a string and i watched, electrified. i always wished i could compose music like you could. but i had to use excessive amounts of glue to make my music notes stick together. they didn’t like me like how they adored you.
iii.
september. the empty month. when the leaves begin to change from live green to goldenrod and rusty red. and the air feels cool when you run, you can get lost in it. just like how i could always get lost in your perfect sea foam green eyes.
iv.
sometimes i wanted a map, but you said no. life was better unpredictable, you said.
v.
i spent october trying to outrun the second hand on my bedroom clock. i failed. but you just smiled and told me that’s the fun of it.
vi.
i miss you when you aren’t around, you know. when you’re gone i feel empty. like an addiction. i don’t think this is healthy.
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This poem....
I thought about entering your contest, so I decided to read some of your poetry.
But this poem, has enchanted me.
And you say the music doesn't dance for you,
but words are music to the eyes, and the words sure dance for you.
This is breathtakingly beautiful, and I can relate to this so much.
I like the format, I like..the way you used months and the roman numerals to show time passing and it's just...ahh
True art.
I wish you all the best luck!
Keep writing.
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thank you!
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This is so beautiful. I liked how you took the months and made them revelant to your life. Simply stunning. I really like your work. Keep them coming.
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My new favorite!
And actually it is healthy...healthy until someone screws up.
But besides that this is the best I've read by you. And I just wanna read it over and over and over again becuz it's so wonderful!(:
ily!(:
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Wow, this was stunning!!
For starters, the first verse was absolutely amazinggg. I can't pick out a favorite line -- every word in there was descriptive and led me to a summer full of wonder and magic and sweetness. Ilovedit!
"you spent it tying musical notes together with a string and i watched, electrified"
This line stuck out to me because it is such a powerful image. I also loved the image of "sea foam green eyes". So cute =D
i spent october trying to outrun the second hand on my bedroom clock. i failed. but you just smiled and told me that’s the fun of it.
LoveloveLOVE this. You have such a wonderful way of gluing your words together and displaying your emotions at the same time.
I love your work!
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thank you!
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I love this.
"i always wished i could compose music like you could. but i had to use excessive amounts of glue to make my music notes stick together."
"sometimes i wanted a map, but you said no. life was better unpredictable, you said."
"i spent october trying to outrun the second hand on my bedroom clock. i failed. but you just smiled and told me that’s the fun of it."
This is just so beautiful. I love the way you write. -
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thank you!
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Oh.My.Gosh.
but i had to use excessive amounts of glue to make my music notes stick together. they didn’t like me like how they adored you.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! holy crap girl, this was astounding the whole way through! you wanna switch writing abilities???
i would love that.
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hahaha thank you!
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I. am. in. love. with. this. <3
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wowowow.
this is so beautiful and full of emotion. just a few things to make it flow more smoothly:
(disclaimer: the fact that I''m going through and nitpicking means that I really like your poem.) :]]]
i-you don't need the 'of' in the last scentence.
ii-the 3rd and 4th scentences could be combined. In the last scentence, instead of 'like how' you could have 'but.'
iii-the 3rd and 4th scentences should be one. also: 'you could get lost in it.'
get lost in what? that's a little confusing.
last scentence: maybe change 'sea foam green' to 'seafoam-green.'
iv-last scentence: either get rid of 'you said' or maybe change it to: 'according to you, etc.'
v-last scentence: either combine it with the previous scentence or get rid of 'but.'
vi-'like an addiction' that's kind of awkwardly placed. maybe combine it with the last scentence?
other than that, amazing poem. absolutely beautiful, great job. :]
[sorry for the novel]
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wow thank you so much, that was really helpful.
i'll definitely revise this poem tomorrow and go through all the things you said.
thank you so much! -
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you're welcome. overall it's really good. :]
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eWow i love this. I'm really starting to love poems written in this style, divided in to sections like yours. Usually talking of the past, things that happened. This is such a great example.
"i remember the month of august. you spent it tying musical notes together with a string and i watched, electrified. i always wished i could compose music like you could. but i had to use excessive amounts of glue to make my music notes stick together. they didn’t like me like how they adored you."
This is definitely my favourite part, i suppose because it ties in with the title.
A great write!
Holly.
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i always wished i could compose music like you could. but i had to use excessive amounts of glue to make my music notes stick together. they didn’t like me like how they adored you.
-This bit was briliant. It definatly stood out the most too me!
the whole poem was thoughrly enoyable and overtly sentimental and caring. Excellent.
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Ashley -- there is so much amazing imagery and I love how it's broken up by months. I love this poem to deathhhh.
(i love you to deathhhh too.)
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This poem is very touching....
This is written in a very stylized way- I love it. It's very origional!!!
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Beautiful. I love the emotion in it. It's very sincere and sweet. It has a cheerful yearning feel to it.
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do you mind if i nominate for front page?
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please do!
thank you jacqueline! you just made my day. -
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<3 i did
yayy i really really really like this
and i love you!
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i love this
this is my favorite poem by you
its just so amazing, so you and so well written
so sweet and sad at the same time like you are
and the last part sound exactly like you talking and this is just so good
"the air feels cool when you run, you can get lost in it" so good, i can feel the air and that fall feeling you get when you run throu the leaves <3
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