Drive past the house
that grandpa built.
The falling walls,
the chimney bricks.
Land overgrown
and gone to seed.
This was the place
of one man's dream.
He sailed across
in twenty-four.
A damaged heart
from the Great War.
He brought his wife
to build their life
in Canada
without the strife.
But a farming man
he was not,
his horse ran wild.
Crops fell to rot.
They needed money
so's not to fail.
He went to work
upon the rails.
He lived his life.
Then died of his heart,
always laughed about
his ragged start.
His children grew
in other streams.
There's more than
just one place to dream.
Author notes
Yeah - celadia
A contest entry
- Got any good ones ? by Anu-Nataraj.
500 points, ended February 27, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Heaven by Heavenly Angel.
700 points, ended March 27, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Poem by Mr..
412 points, ended June 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Be Put On My Favorites List by Ted E Bare.
400 points, ended October 15, 250 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Pre Writes Contest By Reptile Lady by Reptile Lady.
1750 points, ended July 13, 136 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites, Im crazy. by Menna.
1100 points, ended August 30, 264 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I know this needs more work, thanks for any contructive criticism
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
don't change
I enjoyed reading this poem - a tribute to your grandpa which gives a glimpse of his life. I liked the last line - There's more than just one place to dream.
-
I really love this-it has a very firm metre-can I suggest a tweak of lines 5, 26 and 27 as they fall out of metre a little bit-not a criticism of the words at all-I think juggling them around will do the trick as opposed to changing them. I would probably pop "just" at the end of the second to last line too.
I love how this followed a definite rhythm, it flows like the ticking of time, which I thought was very clever. This is a very tender and cheerful poem, well penned
-
The imagery in the first stanza is wondergul. I like this whole tale here, it is really like a breath of fresh air. I like how you ended the piece. I loved also, the rhythm and flow. Nice job. Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck.
-
Nicely written tale is woven here
that is sweet
Thank you and best wishes to you
Julie -
Excellent
-
What a great write! This is the kind of story that always gets to me.
-
I love the rhythm and a lovely story.
-
Great writing . .
I think this is great – and doesn’t need much work at all –
Being a Grandpa myself I know that to do him justice it would need to be longer – but when poems get too long fewer and fewer people read them – except grandchildren of the deceased haha,
I am busy in my spare time writing a book ( mostly comments to go with hundreds of photos called “ All My Yesterdays” mainly for my grandchildren.
Albert
-
this is a really good poem, I enjoyed it. I love the rhyming and it flows well. You've captured memories well and show the hard and good times too.
-
A fine tale about your grandfather
It makes me admire our forefathers who had to struggle with many different issues during very hard times
We sometimes think we have it bad (and we do, don't get me wrong), but imagine how hard our ancestors had it?
A fine piece; thank you very much for sharing
The best to you! -
Your grandfather is someone we need today. I like your rhyme and reason it is family and it is love.
-
This is a beautiful tribute to your Grandfather.
I love the imagery and heart you poured into this poem.
The rhythm and rhyme is in exellent form.
Be blessed in all you ever do.
Tony
-
i love this...i love the fallen walls & bricks going to seed, and the whole story, very well done, enjoyed.
i love that it leaves me with the feeling that he sacrificed his life so his children could have a better life...
-
wow this is amazing! I love it!!!
-
I really like the images, story and emotion in this. Great memories for a loved one to carry on. And I really like how you have ended this also.
Nicely done!
best wishes in your contest
-
aaawwwwww
this is so cute !!!
i luved it !
very adorable !! -
very good.
Great imagery in the first stanza. I loved the journey. The rhyming was fluid too. This is good work. I adore the last line 'There's more than just one place to dream'. I'm just wondering though about whether or not the last stanza works at the beginning, well the first four lines, but faultless, in my eyes, apart from that.
-
I love this.
A wonderful story you have here.
And such truth in your words...
"There's more than
just one place to dream"
Excellent.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
