These Are the Questions That Haunt Us...About Chickens [[Essay]]

      Has anyone else ever noticed that chickens provide the most haunting questions?  For example, “What came first, the egg or the chicken?”, “If the rooster is with the hen, who is with the chicken?”, “Why are some chicken eggs brown while most are white?”, and we can’t forget the most important, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  I have been asked all these questions within the same week, so throughout this piece I will answer all these questions to the best of my ability based on some facts but mostly on opinion.  So if you disagree with me, please do NOT come to my house with a pitchfork, because I would at least like to graduate high school and possibly college before that happens.  Agreed?  Great, now let’s get on with this already.
      We are going to try to go in order.  The first question is: “What came first the chicken or the egg?”  This question has been under discussion for centuries because no one can seem to agree on one answer.  Some people say the egg came first because that is what we are accustomed to, but they have failed to provide the necessary backup for their hypothesis.  If the egg came first, what laid the egg? and what was there to nurture the egg until it was hatched? It might have been another animal, but I highly doubt if you went back in time you would see a bear or elephant sitting on the chicken egg…  Others say that the chicken came first; these people have made the same mistake as the eggheads.  For there to be a chicken, it had to have hatched from an egg, but to have the egg, you had to have a chicken to lay it, but to have the chicken to lay the egg, you had to have an egg to hatch that chicken.  See the dilemma people?  It’s an ongoing cycle and no one is ever going to figure out. But when you die, then feel to go up to God and ask Him yourself.
      The next question please: “If the rooster is with the hen, who is with the chicken?”  This question isn’t as complicated as the one above.  Hello?  The rooster is with both! Duh!  It’s a male; it doesn’t have the patience to deal with one female all the time; when the hen gets a little fussy (for women reasons) it goes over to the chicken until the hen calms down and vica versa.  Another reason: IT’S A MALE!  He probably constantly trades off between the chicken and hen even if he technically isn’t “dating” both of them.  I’m sure whenever the chicken gets upset because the rooster woke her up early with all of his “cockadoodledo”ing, the rooster just sneaks out and spends a little time with the hen, although I’m sure the hen wouldn’t be that excited about the “cockadoodledo”ing either…
      Finally, the one all you cooking mothers have been waiting for, “why are some chicken eggs brown while most are white?”  Well, mothers, let me ask you a question, what color skin do your children have?  Probably about the same color as yours, it’s the exact same for chickens; when you go to Kroger, or wherever you go shopping, the type of eggs you typically see are White Leghorn, Rhode Island Red, New Hampshire, and Plymouth Rock.  Now, which do you think lay brown eggs?  (Hint: all of them that don’t have the word “white” in the name).  Just for future reference, if you ever find yourself sitting next to a chicken on the bus, for some odd and twisted reason, and you keep thinking, “Wow. This chicken isn’t white, brown, or black. I wonder what color eggs it would lay…” just look at the earlobes of the chicken.  After I told this information to my friend’s mother, she asked me another interesting question, “Are brown eggs healthier because they are more expensive?”  The answer is NO.  Brown eggs are just more expensive because the brown chickens are larger and require more food.  So, basically if you’ve been buying brown eggs…you’re just paying more to feed chickens. Sorry, but you’re not eating any healthier that the rest of us.  Haha, I bet you wish you had saved that build-up of money in this economy. This was the only question I used real facts to answer (just in case you wanted to know).
      And now…ladies and gentlemen…I will now attempt to answer the question that has been aggravating people since roads were established…dun dun dun dun!  “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  There are many answers (a.k.a jokes) about this topic because no one seriously believes that maybe the chicken had a reason BESIDES “the Chick-fil-a truck was coming its way” or “It wanted a job as a poultry-seller because it wanted revenge.”  Yeah, honestly, I have no clue why that chicken crossed the road; maybe its rooster boyfriend was on the other side, maybe the Chick-fil-a truck really was following it, maybe it just felt like it.  I really don’t know.  There are so many reasons as to why that one specific chicken that everyone talks about could have been crossing the road, and the chicken is probably dead because that joke was invented almost three hundred years ago, so we can’t really go and ask it.  Sad, but true.
      Let’s review what we learned, shall we?  1) We still don’t know whether the chicken or the egg came first so the whole explanation was a total waste of your time. 2) We learned that roosters are males and date both the chicken and the hen sometimes at the same time even though it is morally wrong.  3) The egg color depends on the breed of chicken.  If you sit next to a chicken on the bus and want to know what color its eggs would be, you could just look at its earlobes.  White eggs are just as healthy as brown eggs despite the price.  That was the only question I actually used real facts on.  4) We still don’t know why the chicken crossed the road.  We only know the chicken died at some point in the last three hundred years.  This concludes my essay about chickens (aren’t you glad it’s finally over?).  Now you can go on doing whatever you were doing before this completely distracted you for no good reason at all.  Once again, I would really appreciate it if you would allow me to finish high school before you hunt me down because you don’t agree with my opinions.  That is all.  Thank you for reading my completely pointless essay.