Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

city of filth divided

tiles of hope and angel dust
no one can look over the wall
which on the other side
lays dying mothers and their children
wishing to hover about the mess
but knowing we're stuck to the ground
shit leaking from the cracks of the wall
freezing every one it flows onto
the earth shakes and the city of filth
begins to shatter
the mothers cry out of death
and they throw their babies into the air
the wall is down
the bridge is crossed
love begins to take over

A contest entry

do you have a city in your head?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • The Cube
    February 2
    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. At first I saw this as the difference between reality and romance has divided the world and is causing destruction to the other side, but then I see that romance over runs the wall and kills everyone, perhaps the wall stood for reality and reason then?

    Or even more so at the end the mothers die and toss out their children, so maybe they still wish for their child to live, giving up their baby to love and romance, the real world, much like it is hard for a parent to let go of their kids to a lover. I liked this one a lot. very good.


    • Deathless1
      February 2
      Edit | Reply
      you got it all right.
      it isn't so much a mother giving up their baby to love and romance.
      but sacrificing them so it can exist.
      but aside form that you got it all down like a pro.


      • The Cube
        February 2

        Edit | Reply
        But that is whtat I like! I can see more metephors in the poem than even the writer intended for there to be.


  • Byepolar bare
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    Line one should be angel dust. Line three should be lays. Line 8 should be into, not onto. Now that this is out of the way, this is likely the most original piece about what looks to me to be hope that I have read. Everyone wants to speak of hope, but never of the conditions that make it such a necessity. This is a naked piece that stands unabashed before the reader (me) declaring that life is not always so beautiful, but becomes beautiful after enduring its ugliness. Awesome write.

    • Deathless1
      January 20
      Edit | Reply
      line 8 should be onto. i'm not sure if it would sound better.
      but thank you, i'm glad you could read it for what it was and not
      just brush it off as i strange picture, with strange feelings.


  • L.Jay
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    you deffinently fit the abstract category! but i like it

1 - 6 of 6